Yup.

Not sliding backwards is still a good thing.

I do get the bloating from time to time.

I'm currently regrouping. Have no support network, no family. Still self medicating. But do exercise.

I used to be deeply involved in commercial production, so I would start to be exposed to it months before the public.

It definitely stikes a chord.

I don't sleep, and can't remember ever being a good sleeper. As a kid if smeone opened my bedroom door and whispered my name I would leap out of bed yelling "what?!"Now in my golden years I can't sleep even when exhausted.

It can be both.
The undertow of consistent long term neglect and abuse, sprinkled with extremely traumatic moments of abuse.

Unless you've tried to make amends.

... – something they had to give up their own dreams and desires for.”

– Susan Forward, Toxic Parents

“Most adult children of toxic parents grow up feeling tremendous confusion about what love means and how it’s supposed to feel. Their parents did extremely unloving things to them in the name of love. They came to understand love as something chaotic, dramatic, confusing, and often painful – ...

66% of us born to mothers under 22 years of age do not graduate high school.

I stuck around way too long. Eventually broke free but kept going back. Every time - same negative result.

Longest I stayed away was 15 years.

Mom passed 18 months ago and I hate her now more than ever.