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#Guardians @ #Diamondbacks – Cleveland’s outfielders will be on stilts, covering more ground with each step. Arizona’s pitchers plan to roll the ball towards home plate, bowling-style, to keep hitters on their toes.
February 24, 2025 at 6:49 PM
#Mariners @ #Brewers – Seattle’s team takes the field wearing inflatable sumo suits, aiming to block any ground balls with sheer size. Milwaukee counters by having their batters use pool noodles instead of bats.
February 24, 2025 at 6:48 PM
#Giants @ #Angels – San Francisco’s pitchers will throw using only their opposite hand, while Los Angeles’ batters must swing with their eyes closed, relying on crowd cheers for guidance.
February 24, 2025 at 6:48 PM
#Cubs @ #Padres – Chicago’s infielders play the entire game on pogo sticks, aiming for increased agility. San Diego’s outfielders, meanwhile, are trying out jetpacks for those hard-to-reach fly balls.
February 24, 2025 at 6:47 PM
#Athletics @ #Royals – Oakland’s batters will use cricket bats, testing their effectiveness in baseball. Kansas City, not to be outdone, equips their pitchers with slingshots instead of the traditional pitch.
February 24, 2025 at 6:47 PM
#Dodgers @ #Reds – Los Angeles fields a team of players wearing sumo suits, aiming to add heft to their hits. Cincinnati’s strategy involves pitching with their non-dominant hand while riding unicycles.
February 24, 2025 at 6:46 PM
#Rangers @ #WhiteSox – Texas introduces their new “silent inning,” where players communicate solely through interpretive dance. Chicago’s response? Requiring all players to sing their actions opera-style.
February 24, 2025 at 6:45 PM
#Rockies @ #Giants – Colorado’s pitchers will be blindfolded for the first inning, relying on their “sixth sense.” San Francisco counters by having their batters spin in circles before stepping up to the plate.
February 24, 2025 at 6:44 PM
#Twins @ #Rays – Minnesota’s lineup features a designated bunter aiming for home runs, while Tampa Bay’s defense includes a human pyramid in the outfield for those hard-to-reach fly balls.
February 24, 2025 at 6:43 PM
#Braves @ #Orioles – Atlanta’s pitchers will throw from a trampoline mound, adding extra bounce to their pitches. Baltimore’s batters are armed with oversized foam bats to level the playing field.
February 24, 2025 at 6:43 PM
#Marlins @ #Astros – The Marlins are experimenting with invisible ink on their signs, while the Astros have equipped their players with earpieces to receive real-time advice from fans.
February 24, 2025 at 6:42 PM
#Yankees @ #RedSox – In a nostalgic twist, both teams will don 19th-century uniforms, complete with handlebar mustaches. The game will be played under vintage rules, including underhand pitching and no gloves.
February 24, 2025 at 6:42 PM
#BlueJays @ #Tigers – Toronto’s outfielders will be on roller skates today, aiming for maximum coverage. Detroit responds by having their infielders play on stilts.
February 24, 2025 at 6:41 PM
#Pirates @ #Phillies – The Pirates are testing out their new strategy of playing without gloves, while the Phillies are introducing their designated napper to combat mid-inning fatigue.
February 24, 2025 at 6:40 PM
#Mets @ #Cardinals – The Mets, in a bold move, have decided to field an entire team of left-handed catchers. The Cardinals plan to counter by pitching exclusively underhand.
February 24, 2025 at 6:39 PM
Kevin Pillar has signed a minor league deal with the #Rangers, ensuring Texas has a veteran outfielder ready to make diving catches, grind out at-bats, and mysteriously appear on a contender’s roster every September like some sort of baseball cryptid.
February 23, 2025 at 4:52 PM
The #RedSox have added Matt Moore to their spring training roster, continuing their quest to assemble a pitching staff entirely made up of guys you were shocked to learn were still active.
February 23, 2025 at 4:47 PM
The #Brewers have signed Mark Canha to a minor league deal, finally answering the age-old question: “What if a veteran outfielder just kept appearing in rosters like a recurring side character in a sitcom no one remembers greenlighting?”
February 23, 2025 at 4:43 PM
Blake Perkins of the #Brewers is out 3-4 weeks with a fractured shin, proving once again that legs are a deeply flawed design. Doctors confirm he will not be ready for Opening Day, but are still investigating how his shin lost a 1-on-1 battle with existence.
February 23, 2025 at 4:39 PM
Blake Mitchell of the #Royals will miss 4-6 weeks with a broken hamate bone, a cruel reminder that the human body was simply not designed to withstand the rigors of holding a baseball bat too hard. Scientists remain baffled.
February 23, 2025 at 4:34 PM
#Diamondbacks @ #Mariners – Seattle reveals Julio Rodríguez is now also the team’s starting quarterback. Arizona debuts a new stadium feature where fans can legally steal second base.
February 23, 2025 at 3:39 PM
#Brewers @ #Rockies – Milwaukee refuses to acknowledge this game exists. Colorado takes it personally and challenges the entire Brewers roster to a ski race mid-game.
February 23, 2025 at 3:39 PM
#Rangers @ #Cubs – Cubs fans are thrilled to see a new season, unaware the bullpen is already on fire. Texas forgets to bring a lineup card and just lets players call dibs on at-bats.
February 23, 2025 at 3:38 PM
#WhiteSox @ #Royals – Chicago announces they’re already eliminated from playoff contention. Kansas City, in a bold move, lets Bobby Witt Jr. bat in all nine spots.
February 23, 2025 at 3:37 PM
#Padres @ #Dodgers – San Diego arrives late because Fernando Tatis Jr. got distracted by a Fortnite tournament. The Dodgers use Shohei Ohtani as a closer just to prove they can.
February 23, 2025 at 3:37 PM