Thank you for the reply! I tried to explore this but a lot of the results from searches relate to how to make an existing space autism-friendly. I know I tended to gravitate towards libraries due to the conventional rules of conduct as well as the quiet and instant access to my special interests.

How does one start to untangle the ball of yarn that is masking? I've started having a deep suspicion about what you stated and it is great to have more validation but I'm a bit at a loss of how to fix it. I guess the first step was/is acknowledging needs?

I was directed to find pleasing textures to call myself and this looks like the charcuterie board of natural textures. Well done!

I hadn't been able to put a pin on my experience until this statement. Thank you very much!

What would be some good bullet points for someone who was raised in such a fashion? Cognitive behavioral therapy has been immensely helpful but I really, really struggle with the self-advocacy because the cost of doing so was very expensive from a mental and physical safety perspective. Thank you!

This coupled with berating/punishing oneself to presumably make the inevitable backlash of a perceived wrongdoing a bit softer or more palatable. Setting an impossible standard and then affording oneself little to no grace is just... yeah.