Fuck you, Henry Kissinger. You died 80 years too late.

Please contribute to my kickstarter to fund a Christopher Guest horror movie.

Kid gets an award at school, brings it home. We text his teacher a pic of kid being very proud of the award. We find out he was given the award at an assembly and teacher forgot to notify us.

I don’t know how to react to this in a calm, measured way.

As someone who lived in Kevin McCarthy’s district, I’d just like to say: (inhale) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (continued next page)

Wonka is the heartwarming story of a plucky upstart who turns the candy world on its head, and goes on to kill several children on a factory tour.