so tasty! and a good texture, too. which I can struggle with, with plant-based ‘meat alternatives’

I was good too. obsessively so. but, even if I was/am planning to to do something, the minute someone even suggests it, my brain is against it immediately 😂

I’ve been hearing a lot about pathological demand avoidance (PDA) within the autistic population, and I very much can see it in myself…have you come across this concept?

this is just to say…there is always a possibility for things to improve, as long as you stay alive.

I’m struggling a lot with trusting the new professionals I am meeting, but trying hard to keep an open mind, and see how things go. I have already had some more positive experiences.

this has given me a lot to think about. I have started seeing a different NHS consultant, at a different CMHT, after having to go through a process which required me to get a mental health advocate and my local MSP involved. I shouldn’t have had to fight so hard. but I was disliked.

I have realised that mental health professionals feel positively towards me as long as I mask my autistic traits, but as soon as my mental illness makes masking impossible, they allow their dislike for me to overtake their professionalism.

this week I was diagnosed (again). by a private consultant psychiatrist. I am autistic. I knew I was autistic, and having it called into question caused me a huge amount of distress.

…so I ended up paying for a private assessment. I recognise this is a very privileged position to be in, and I had to borrow money from family in order to do it.

I was put on the NHS waiting list for another assessment, but taken off it in January, when I was discharged from mental health services.

anyway, I fought my way through eating a bagel, and feel much better now 🥯

oh no! 😔