For moral reasons, that is a joke
(For anyone reading, please do not expose secrets shared in confidence with you, even if you eventually break up/divorce)

Single ladies in your area!

What are you talking about? You definitely had this metaphor in mind the whole time, right? *hint hints wink wink nudge nudge*

You don't get the Initiative when seizing it, apparently

So, black kinda has us in a stranglehold, so we have to force check with *every move* until we're out of immediate danger. Inferring from the title, our rooks are at the very least going to be put in danger, so Rd8+. If Kxd8, then Rf8+, Qe8, Rxe8+, Kxe8, Qxg6+. We win the exchange 2R to 1R+1Q

*proceeds to only find tights in every store, and somehow even the wardrobe*

Ah, checkmate. I could never expect to counter the bnuy