Seriously… WHAT FUTURE will there even be at this point?? I’m kept on this family leash by mental choke hold just cause the “the world is bad and you must be careful all the time!” Only for the topic to be shifted to “you should get out more or find more hobbies or even find irl friends.”

It's like I have to force myself to get this sort of wagon going JUST to feel like I fit in. Like I have to force myself to be something I'm not. I just wanna be there without feeling left out just cause I'm a "viewer" that happens to listen to people without putting himself first.

I don't stream nor do I feel it's for me but just wanting to simply hang out just.. feels too much of an ask at this point. I still reach out anyway cause it's better than being alone all this talk about channel growth and accomplishments while I only feel more out of place since I don't do that.

And frankly I do not feel like talking about it with them since I’m pretty sure they know what they’re doing and wanna stay on said side till proven other wise while also being on their own lane as well.

Besides when it comes deep conspiracies- I am not smart enough to talk about them that much.