If there's anyone I know who could accidentally start a cult, it's you. Charismatic, mysterious, creature of the darkness. You ARE the mushroom.

To be clear, it's just my night person that doesn't want to be a cat with you.

Oh man, I wish I'd seen this earlier today. Would've saved everyone a LOT of trouble.

You don't get it. He's sad AND he likes beer

I mean, the trick is finding the right one. I searched for “how to lead with self-awareness,” and got a video on swapping the transmission in a 2014 Mitsubishi Mirage. Which, honestly, is not the worst metaphor.

Seriously. I feel like this should be standardized.

Some days it feels like we’ve just been chasing those buckets of syrup off into the sunset.

Oh man, I miss when “leading man energy” meant owning two shirts and paying rent on time.