Hi :)

It's fuckin wild.

Acting as though gender roles that only solidified in the last century or two are innate modalities is the same, on a base level, as the idea of an aryan ubermensch. "Things are the way they are right now because that's how they are supposed to be" is brain poison.

I hate myself sometimes. But i love my partners. I will love myself for them. I will steward this hunger for them. They make this worthwhile. They make this joyous. They give to me, and i take - humbly, thankfully, vulnerably.

I am a beggar. I am lucky that i am loved by such paragons.

What i can do is hide it - not like a shameful crime, but like a gift. Submit to my lovers in the rawness of my need. Reveal to them the pit within me which may never be filled, but which may always accept what my lovers offer. They are not as scared of it as i am, and i trust them.

I am so thankful for what i have. My heart aches with overflowing love. My mind is calmed by thoughts of my lovers. They have given me so much more than i can ever repay.

Still i hunger. Maybe more than ever. I have never known love without hunger.

But at least there is love now as well.