and as much as the online gaming + voice chat combo tries to mimic this, it's still a different experience for me and I'm so glad I get to experience the IRL version of it UwU

Opinion: waiting until we lose any amount of weight to then do cosplay or anything else is a trap!!! We should all do it regardless. Otherwise, you have my support ❤️

🫂🥰🥰

i forgot to say I'm also a big hippie of a crybaby and art makes me cry because I love colors and life and nature so much!! deal with it!!

Because after all I am disabled. And I am finally getting around to the full body re-education of muscles and body awareness part to start exercising, so I am hopeful there's a life with less pain for me in the future. 🙏 It's just a very slow progress. 🥰

That does mean that I'm having to sit down and do things like MATH (auughh!!) and... Planning like... 4 months ahead of time?? Which did not come naturally to me. That's why I need more time

And with the loyal fan base that I have at the moment, who are here for me and for my voice regardless of media (thank you again) I'll honor the trust you've invested in me and I'll keep chasing my dreams!!!

Sooo yea all of the money part is the part that I'm still trying to think hard about. But this time around I might be actually PLANNING some things, and thinking about my own limitations a lot more, after all, I don't have the goal of GAINING NUMBERS or ACHIEVING ENGAGEMENT anymore.

But boy is it hard for me to appear confident and talk about money when I am:
1- provenly bad with numbers.
2- not fluent in dollars
3- English is not my first language
4- A RECOVERING PEOPLE PLEASER

And that's why I'm never stopping. And it seems that there you are all, and you've chosen to stay for the ride! For that, I am so so grateful!!!

But that still makes of me a queer, disabled artist, who is over 30, and I LOVE ART SO FUCKING MUCH.

(I'm sorry I keep getting distracted I'm so angry lmaooo)

The point is. My art is not getting any better. I'll never be a League artist or what have you. The peak of my health biologically is gone. We missed the mark. RIP those dreams. I am OKAY with that.

But I digress!!! What I'm trying to say is that I'm 100% done with chasing numbers, I don't care about what the algorithm has to say. I do not want to participate in the same proving grounds as these nauseating slobbering plagiarism machines!!!

SO I GUESS THAT'S IT THEN. I AM OUT OF TIME! I should have been successful a long time ago. Boo fuckin hoo.

Don't expect me to stop making art lmao!!! I'm a failed artist not an ex-artist, these are two different things

CUTE!!! YOU'RE A CUTIE DELTA!!

And as crazy as this might sound to any of you, I'm still 🤪 trying to find 🤪 a life work balance 🤪 that works for me 🤪🤪🤪 (and sort of still figuring out what a career looks like for me) ((I am 35, society has long convinced me that I'm way out of time))

Because unfortunately I am an exhausted disabled artist and life is so damn hard and painful for me!! Physically!!! And emotionally!!