Ariane Sherine
@arianesherine.bsky.social
Writer, journalist, photographer. Pop star as @arianexmusic.bsky.social. Debut electropop album BETTER out now. 'The hope-filled Kaleidoscope and uplifting Miracle are among the album's many highlights' - Classic Pop. Author of three Hachette titles.
Off out in the cold to see Mrs Chicken, the world’s best girl. Brrr!
November 22, 2025 at 8:36 AM
Off out in the cold to see Mrs Chicken, the world’s best girl. Brrr!
If she’s very sweet that’s all that matters, you snobby fucks
November 21, 2025 at 10:20 AM
If she’s very sweet that’s all that matters, you snobby fucks
I’m massively confused as to why you’d be so rude to a stranger you don’t follow, and have no intention of telling you whether I married him or not, so we’re evens!
November 20, 2025 at 8:31 PM
I’m massively confused as to why you’d be so rude to a stranger you don’t follow, and have no intention of telling you whether I married him or not, so we’re evens!
If only I wasn't teetotal!
November 20, 2025 at 5:42 PM
If only I wasn't teetotal!
You know the phrase, ‘she’s not gonna shag you mate’? Well, whenever this guy posts, I think, ‘they’re not gonna like you mate. You’re just a useful idiot so they can appear not to be racist and get votes from misguided POC. They’re still gonna send you “back” if they get in.’
November 20, 2025 at 12:43 PM
You know the phrase, ‘she’s not gonna shag you mate’? Well, whenever this guy posts, I think, ‘they’re not gonna like you mate. You’re just a useful idiot so they can appear not to be racist and get votes from misguided POC. They’re still gonna send you “back” if they get in.’
Yes, but then I could do a lot of silly things, like get addicted to heroin, get a face tattoo or go to a recording of Mrs Brown's Boys
November 20, 2025 at 10:56 AM
Yes, but then I could do a lot of silly things, like get addicted to heroin, get a face tattoo or go to a recording of Mrs Brown's Boys
Posting my Christmas cards today, and I’m glad. If my post office has a massive snaky long queue in mid-November, what’s it going to be like in a month’s time?!
November 19, 2025 at 2:26 PM
Posting my Christmas cards today, and I’m glad. If my post office has a massive snaky long queue in mid-November, what’s it going to be like in a month’s time?!
Whenever I feel sad, I look at pictures of Mrs Chicken when she was tinier, and feel better again.
November 18, 2025 at 8:38 AM
Whenever I feel sad, I look at pictures of Mrs Chicken when she was tinier, and feel better again.
Say, ‘Sorry for waking you up. You can go back to sleep now.’
November 17, 2025 at 9:26 AM
Say, ‘Sorry for waking you up. You can go back to sleep now.’
Do you remember that Orange mobile slogan that went ‘The future’s bright, the future’s orange’?
I think it predicted Donald Trump. (Though he's far from bright, he is bright orange.)
I think it predicted Donald Trump. (Though he's far from bright, he is bright orange.)
November 17, 2025 at 8:55 AM
Do you remember that Orange mobile slogan that went ‘The future’s bright, the future’s orange’?
I think it predicted Donald Trump. (Though he's far from bright, he is bright orange.)
I think it predicted Donald Trump. (Though he's far from bright, he is bright orange.)
I don't mean to blow my own pink trombone, but a 131% increase in paid subscribers in 11 days is a beautiful shimmering silver lining to a massive fuck-off grey cloud, so thank you. arianesherine.substack.com
November 16, 2025 at 3:34 PM
I don't mean to blow my own pink trombone, but a 131% increase in paid subscribers in 11 days is a beautiful shimmering silver lining to a massive fuck-off grey cloud, so thank you. arianesherine.substack.com
I was just reading Adolf Hitler’s wiki (as you do) and discovered that he may have had BPD like me.
I would like to assure you that I have no current plans to start a Reich that lasts a thousand years.
I would like to assure you that I have no current plans to start a Reich that lasts a thousand years.
November 16, 2025 at 2:39 PM
I was just reading Adolf Hitler’s wiki (as you do) and discovered that he may have had BPD like me.
I would like to assure you that I have no current plans to start a Reich that lasts a thousand years.
I would like to assure you that I have no current plans to start a Reich that lasts a thousand years.
The response to yesterday's interview was interestingly mixed. Some of you are angry with my ex for shirking responsibility for his actions, a couple are angry with me for 'letting' the bloke touch my thigh — and many other subscribers want us to get back together. open.substack.com/pub/arianesh...
November 14, 2025 at 9:54 AM
The response to yesterday's interview was interestingly mixed. Some of you are angry with my ex for shirking responsibility for his actions, a couple are angry with me for 'letting' the bloke touch my thigh — and many other subscribers want us to get back together. open.substack.com/pub/arianesh...
Tragically, the Pangram in today's New York Times Spelling Bee puzzle is neither BONKABLE nor KNOBBABLE.
November 14, 2025 at 9:14 AM
Tragically, the Pangram in today's New York Times Spelling Bee puzzle is neither BONKABLE nor KNOBBABLE.
Yes, I’m a shameless money-grabbing hussy who is all about the dollaz…
Shitcanning a £20k wedding and potential money-making wedding photography partnership isn’t business-minded - it makes no financial sense. It’ll take a LOT of Substack £3.80-per-months to recoup that! And that’s before 23% fees.
Shitcanning a £20k wedding and potential money-making wedding photography partnership isn’t business-minded - it makes no financial sense. It’ll take a LOT of Substack £3.80-per-months to recoup that! And that’s before 23% fees.
November 13, 2025 at 3:34 PM
Yes, I’m a shameless money-grabbing hussy who is all about the dollaz…
Shitcanning a £20k wedding and potential money-making wedding photography partnership isn’t business-minded - it makes no financial sense. It’ll take a LOT of Substack £3.80-per-months to recoup that! And that’s before 23% fees.
Shitcanning a £20k wedding and potential money-making wedding photography partnership isn’t business-minded - it makes no financial sense. It’ll take a LOT of Substack £3.80-per-months to recoup that! And that’s before 23% fees.
You all know I use the NGL anonymous messages app. But what I’ve never discussed are the unhinged Gen Z-speak random messages that the app itself sends users for some obscure reason I can’t fathom.
November 13, 2025 at 2:13 PM
You all know I use the NGL anonymous messages app. But what I’ve never discussed are the unhinged Gen Z-speak random messages that the app itself sends users for some obscure reason I can’t fathom.
Yes and no.
Yes: I'm a human car crash, and not even a nice car - a wreck from 1980. And people gawp at car crashes! But I'm spending the extra Substack money on therapy.
No: my writing is really strong and urgent and raw right now, so people want to read it. It's a compliment.
Yes: I'm a human car crash, and not even a nice car - a wreck from 1980. And people gawp at car crashes! But I'm spending the extra Substack money on therapy.
No: my writing is really strong and urgent and raw right now, so people want to read it. It's a compliment.
November 13, 2025 at 10:22 AM
Yes and no.
Yes: I'm a human car crash, and not even a nice car - a wreck from 1980. And people gawp at car crashes! But I'm spending the extra Substack money on therapy.
No: my writing is really strong and urgent and raw right now, so people want to read it. It's a compliment.
Yes: I'm a human car crash, and not even a nice car - a wreck from 1980. And people gawp at car crashes! But I'm spending the extra Substack money on therapy.
No: my writing is really strong and urgent and raw right now, so people want to read it. It's a compliment.
My ex is too busy to write a blog post but has let me interview him. The post will be up tomorrow at 9am.
November 12, 2025 at 5:08 PM
My ex is too busy to write a blog post but has let me interview him. The post will be up tomorrow at 9am.
Haha, thanks, but I love how you’ve left a comma at the end, like you’re about to say ‘but you’re a cuckoo bananas oversharer with no boundaries!’
November 12, 2025 at 3:48 PM
Haha, thanks, but I love how you’ve left a comma at the end, like you’re about to say ‘but you’re a cuckoo bananas oversharer with no boundaries!’
Well, trains *are* my favourite form of transport, but I’m not sure I’m ready for this particular journey
November 12, 2025 at 2:15 PM
Well, trains *are* my favourite form of transport, but I’m not sure I’m ready for this particular journey
Nine of my previous 'paid subscribers' were comps for penniless people like Grandad, so I've gained a whopping FIFTY PAID subscribers in the past week! Thank you so much if you're one of them. It has made me feel like a success. (I only have 657 subs, but if you put all of them in a room...!)
November 12, 2025 at 10:47 AM
Nine of my previous 'paid subscribers' were comps for penniless people like Grandad, so I've gained a whopping FIFTY PAID subscribers in the past week! Thank you so much if you're one of them. It has made me feel like a success. (I only have 657 subs, but if you put all of them in a room...!)
I’m such a ridiculous heartbroken girly cliché that I’m thinking of cutting my hair into a French bob (right, courtesy of an AI hairstyling app). What do you think?
November 11, 2025 at 10:41 AM
I’m such a ridiculous heartbroken girly cliché that I’m thinking of cutting my hair into a French bob (right, courtesy of an AI hairstyling app). What do you think?
The saddest thing about my breakup is that he’s a really nice person. He brought me coffee today and we had a friendly chat. But the ‘mentioning other women’ thing broke it. I was scared to go out in case he told me a woman was hot, and the only TV show I felt safe watching with him was Futurama!
November 10, 2025 at 11:21 AM
The saddest thing about my breakup is that he’s a really nice person. He brought me coffee today and we had a friendly chat. But the ‘mentioning other women’ thing broke it. I was scared to go out in case he told me a woman was hot, and the only TV show I felt safe watching with him was Futurama!
Ooh, I really hope it *is* Douglas’s ‘lastest’ column
November 10, 2025 at 11:03 AM
Ooh, I really hope it *is* Douglas’s ‘lastest’ column
No, but I’ve been to Windsor Castle in Scotland
November 10, 2025 at 10:43 AM
No, but I’ve been to Windsor Castle in Scotland