Besides... Im pretty sure with how things have deteriorated our Future is Fucked anyway. It will be interesting to see how much more we can fuck everything up.

(Attaching a Video i found that pretty accuratly describes the above.)
x.com/ModernxDad/s...

Now all that is left in my Mind is a broken Hull of my former Self.

But still: I have the Safety, Balance and Stability of my Lonelyness i can return to. I have everything i need with me. I dont need anything else to be Happy.

And i will never risk all of this thing called "Love" again. Ever.

Still, i found a few Friends that i can hang out with, Play with without risking this Balance.

Then i made the mistake of falling in Love. I thought i found Love at least. I risked loosing the safety of my Lonelyness for this.

And i failed misarebly.

Just Slap left, right, over and over. As i like to say:
"Wie ein Buch, Aufschlagen und nachschlagen"
(I dont have a way to translate that, but maybe some will get it.)

Or a good Old Bud Spencer remembrance Slap. One that makes you spin a 720 degree's pirouette.

Would do wonders for some.

Why am i writing this at 00:40 in the Night? No Idea. But it has to be said at some point. Better now than never.

And beside´s, always look on the bright Side:
Since its only you, there is no one else who can disappoint or Hurt you. Its Only you and you alone.

And thats all you need to be Happy.

I never learned a proper Reason why.
Did it hurt to hear "We wont get any closer"? Sure.
Did it hurt learning her Love was never Real? Sure.
Did it hurt getting pushed aside, never to be spoken too again? Sure.

In the End however, My heart returned to what it always was before:
Cold.

Fast forward 2 Years of Hang-Outs, Its December 2025.
This "Friend" i said "I love you" to, turned around, 180 degrees. It was never real.
Im a Overweight Gamer, so it was to be expected.
"I just dont feel it" or "No, i dont think this would work"
More Like "Sorry, you are not usefull anymore."

2 Years ago, in 2023, i was Friends with someone for some time. Lots of Gaming Sessions and VC´s later I started to have feelings for her.
So i eventually i collected my courage wrote to her. "I love you"
The answer was "I Love you too."
Which i never Expected.
Ever.

I learned to help myself. I learned to take care of my Problems myself.
I was Lucky i didnt became a "I hate everything and Everyone"-type of guy.

I felt Alone. And Sad. Depressed. It didnt change with Time, up until i finished school, i never was a Classmate to the others.
Time changed me however. I became more and more Cold towards them.
Loneliness slowly faded. I became used to being alone.
Depression faded, i learned to have my own Fun.

But enough of that.
Here, to keep the spirit up, a Forklift Meme:

But as my Collegue at work teached me during my Apprenticeship:
"Mehr als Arbeiten können wir nicht"
(Roughly Translated: We cant do more than our work)
And if thats not enough... so be it. I can only be myself. Even if that means being alone forever.
I have accepted it.