b.
@arachnolalia.bsky.social
NSFW, 18+. nudes and selfies I end up liking. 38 🏳️⚧️mtf. she/her. be nice.
how do I even have friends. what do I offer anyone. what does someone get out of knowing me that isn't better found elsewhere. for all my effort to become someone worth knowing, i sure as fuck keep faceplanting in the same fucking way every time the opportunity presents itself
November 15, 2025 at 8:06 PM
how do I even have friends. what do I offer anyone. what does someone get out of knowing me that isn't better found elsewhere. for all my effort to become someone worth knowing, i sure as fuck keep faceplanting in the same fucking way every time the opportunity presents itself
all I'm capable of doing is flailing and whining
November 15, 2025 at 8:03 PM
all I'm capable of doing is flailing and whining
even writing any of this disgusts me
November 15, 2025 at 8:01 PM
even writing any of this disgusts me
how much joy can I really bring anyone, as I am and have been? what does anyone really get out of knowing me? what kind of potential does something have when the only thing it's ever been perceived as doing is burning itself down over and over and over and over and over and over and over and
November 15, 2025 at 8:01 PM
how much joy can I really bring anyone, as I am and have been? what does anyone really get out of knowing me? what kind of potential does something have when the only thing it's ever been perceived as doing is burning itself down over and over and over and over and over and over and over and
I'm not a bad person I don't think, but I'm not a good person. I'm barely a person at all. I would need something going for me besides an inability to do anything about my own situation.
is it really a situation if it's been my entire life? can a person like me become more than a parasite? doubtful
is it really a situation if it's been my entire life? can a person like me become more than a parasite? doubtful
November 15, 2025 at 7:58 PM
I'm not a bad person I don't think, but I'm not a good person. I'm barely a person at all. I would need something going for me besides an inability to do anything about my own situation.
is it really a situation if it's been my entire life? can a person like me become more than a parasite? doubtful
is it really a situation if it's been my entire life? can a person like me become more than a parasite? doubtful
the only guarantee I've ever offered is disappointment. misplaced encouragement. frustration and exasperation. maladjusted prioritization. aimlessness and self loathing. I'm so fucking dramatic about how much I hate myself I could write a whole ass screenplay
November 15, 2025 at 7:55 PM
the only guarantee I've ever offered is disappointment. misplaced encouragement. frustration and exasperation. maladjusted prioritization. aimlessness and self loathing. I'm so fucking dramatic about how much I hate myself I could write a whole ass screenplay
"you're such a good person" you truly don't know me that well, hypothetical friend. if you did, you'd know when to cut your losses on a lost cause
November 15, 2025 at 7:53 PM
"you're such a good person" you truly don't know me that well, hypothetical friend. if you did, you'd know when to cut your losses on a lost cause
I need to be more than this. I need to be that which I have dreamt of becoming. I should be magnificent and beautiful and bring joy into the lives of those who bring joy into my own. I should be able to return some of the love and comfort I have been given by others.
I am such a worthless burden
I am such a worthless burden
November 15, 2025 at 7:53 PM
I need to be more than this. I need to be that which I have dreamt of becoming. I should be magnificent and beautiful and bring joy into the lives of those who bring joy into my own. I should be able to return some of the love and comfort I have been given by others.
I am such a worthless burden
I am such a worthless burden
I know I am loved by a great many people, some of whom I've never met in person and do not know by name. I have so much love in my heart and it hurts so much to be like this and I don't know how to change. I will always disappoint everyone who puts even a tiny bit of energy into my well being
November 15, 2025 at 7:48 PM
I know I am loved by a great many people, some of whom I've never met in person and do not know by name. I have so much love in my heart and it hurts so much to be like this and I don't know how to change. I will always disappoint everyone who puts even a tiny bit of energy into my well being
I burn so bright, but extinguish too soon. I wallow in ash before I flare back up on vastly insufficient fuel. I am constantly in a cycle of self immolation and not understanding how to break free. I feel like I'm going to die like this and it will always have ended that way. I feel cursed
November 15, 2025 at 7:46 PM
I burn so bright, but extinguish too soon. I wallow in ash before I flare back up on vastly insufficient fuel. I am constantly in a cycle of self immolation and not understanding how to break free. I feel like I'm going to die like this and it will always have ended that way. I feel cursed
I always end up being too much for everyone. I'm too much for myself
November 15, 2025 at 7:42 PM
I always end up being too much for everyone. I'm too much for myself
I don't know why I'm like this. I have such a primal fear of true vulnerability. as if anyone who claims to love me could look into my head and see what's actually there would be repulsed by it and leave me like everyone else has
November 15, 2025 at 7:41 PM
I don't know why I'm like this. I have such a primal fear of true vulnerability. as if anyone who claims to love me could look into my head and see what's actually there would be repulsed by it and leave me like everyone else has
I think it would be best if I never knew whether anyone ever found it, and certainly better if I could stop myself from looking at who it was if anyone ever actually finds it. the best way to guarantee that I stop using a public vent journal is for me to find out who's looking at my thoughts
November 15, 2025 at 7:41 PM
I think it would be best if I never knew whether anyone ever found it, and certainly better if I could stop myself from looking at who it was if anyone ever actually finds it. the best way to guarantee that I stop using a public vent journal is for me to find out who's looking at my thoughts
it's horrifying and terrifying and overwhelming and demoralizing and it feels like a type of dying I've never experienced. I don't understand what's wrong with me. what am I even good for if I'm not able to create
September 15, 2025 at 4:10 AM
it's horrifying and terrifying and overwhelming and demoralizing and it feels like a type of dying I've never experienced. I don't understand what's wrong with me. what am I even good for if I'm not able to create
using a bsky account as a temporary therapist until I can scrape myself up off the ground enough to find a real mental health professional to cry to
August 27, 2025 at 1:40 AM
using a bsky account as a temporary therapist until I can scrape myself up off the ground enough to find a real mental health professional to cry to
i needed to find one while I still had energy for it. before this new horrible morale deficit
August 27, 2025 at 1:39 AM
i needed to find one while I still had energy for it. before this new horrible morale deficit
i need a fucking therapist
August 27, 2025 at 1:38 AM
i need a fucking therapist
i have nowhere to talk about anything ive been through and it's true toll on me without alienating and alarming the people in my life who love me. the fact that I have anyone at all is one of the things keeping me anchored but fucking hell i don't know what to do with myself
August 27, 2025 at 1:38 AM
i have nowhere to talk about anything ive been through and it's true toll on me without alienating and alarming the people in my life who love me. the fact that I have anyone at all is one of the things keeping me anchored but fucking hell i don't know what to do with myself