Well if she's really different then it's better if one of our engineers comes and takes a look at her, she's not supposed to...

Hello, Cave Johnson here, yesterday we recived a lot of complaints from the wifes and husbands of our employees asking us why they weren't coming home for thanksgiving.
I told them that, as part of Aperture they are also part of our big family, reason why i made them work (un)paid overtime yesterday

We seem to have a problem with a malfunctioning robot that dropped into our research base from outer space and despite it having our logo on it it's definitely not ours... It's faulty. It keeps repeating "space" over and over, so...
First one willing to take him away from here gets 5 whole bucks!

You'll be damn right it will, all that money spent on developing the technology you sure as hell bet we are gonna use it, be it for science or entertainment.

Hello everybody, Cave Johnson here, ready to start another day of testing and hard work.

Well some employees think that i'm not doing any hard work and i'm stealing credit for their work, but at the end of the day the trophies have my name on them so who is the one really hard at work here buddy?

Despite not being a gaming company, here at Aperture we train our employees the same way.

Like "today i will harness the power of a black hole" or "today i will take a brain and put it in a computer"

We just add the slight treath of unemployment in case of failure, but that's beside the point.

Welcome Gentlemen to Apertures very own official account, directed by your good ol' pal Cave Johnson, not some faceless no good company CEO, be sure to keep that in mind!

P.S. if you are an employee reading this on the job... GET BACK TO WORK, we don't pay you to goof around