Complete coward, everyone knows you're supposed to dive on top of an armed sandwich to prevent bystanders and comrades from being injured or killed by pastrami shrapnel. Thankfully the assailant forgot to pull the wrapper before tossing it or this could have been far more tragic.

I need this for my super villain persona. Does it come in jet black?

Wow, a Jackson Pollock original. That's probably worth millions. Congrats on your good fortune.

That's the tastiest part. What will I snack on if there's no clip?

We're already well past cascading failure in almost every sector of our economy. It's going to take about 16 months to fully unravel, but it's baked in. Strap in for a brutal decade.

I call it my sidechow.

I mean other than the 23 separate standards for cables, sure. It's great.

Was excited to mark an item off my kick the bucket list, but it didn't work out.

A certain someone didn't kick the bucket despite speculation they had. When I checked today, it had not been kicked. It's an old bucket that started swelling at the base a few months back. It's definitely the worst bucket and needs a good kicking. Planning to celebrate when they finally do it.