It feels like we're in some real weird simulation when I have to hear dude from the Real World as the newly elected Secretary of Transportation trying to explain how nothing was out of the ordinary when a heinous plane crash happened, only made weirder by the way that he keeps saying "pattern."

Hey Los Angeles, I work from home and don't get to see many people in person in a day, so I just gotta put this somewhere:
This wind is somethin', huh?

Everyone stop posting videos of Andrew Garfield putting on his glasses. I'm a married woman and I'm supposed to be working!

Check the backpack today! Don’t wait for tomorrow to find out there’s month old cheese in there.

Some terrible dinosaur jokes I came up with at bedtime that knocked my 5 y.o. out -

What's the opposite of a Yes-osauraus.
A Nodosaurus

How many dinosuars do I want?
All-osauruses

What dino is best at getting ready for a trip?
A pachycephalosaurus

#bedtime #parentinghumor

One of the things I'm definitely giving up in 2025 is people pleasing, if that's cool with you guys.

#newyearsresoution #peoplepleaser

My regular pizza place texts me like once a week which kind of makes me feel like we're friends...but then they always start it with "Hosting a party soon?" which makes me feel like they don't actually know me at all... not one little bit.

When did we decide that tucking in your shirt makes you look old, unless you snap it underneath your crotch?

Always remember, your kids will never remember your size or how you dressed or what you looked like on a given day. They'll remember that time you threw away a random piece of paper they had kind of scribbled on that was squished in the bottom of their backpack, but was apparently very important.