and now that I think about it, I think I feel about this the same way I feel about jazz theory, like it's something that comes after the thing, trying to explain the thing, but then takes over and becomes the only right way to do the thing because it creates a framework for it

just. UGH. I hate business speak and I hate the concept of making content and I hate the idea that we are a product and we need to brand ourselves to be palatable to people when it's really just social media and marketing that we need to do this for

It always confuses me when people are like "be yourself but not TOO yourself, just yourself enough that you will be memorable and relatable" and "your purpose is to create the BGM to other people's lives, don't be too present, but if you're not present enough you won't get parasocial superfans" and

So I guess what I'm saying is I think the growth mindset isn't compatible with art and diversity, at least not out of the box

We'll see what I can come up with. November should be fun!!

tl;dr I need to remind myself of all of my bad experiences with people who shouldn't have been able to enjoy what I make because they actually low/high-key want people like me to disappear off the face of the earth and found my identity easy to ignore because I wasn't being loud enough about it

(Yes, I'm separating music from content because it IS in context but I'm kind of fed up with language choices trivializing the value of art)

So while I'm catching up with a few of those courses and videos I'd set aside to watch when I had time to breathe (that's now, I'm breathing, yay), I'm also wondering what path I'm going to take when I do my social media overhaul in November, in terms of music, content, and self-expression

So it's a good thing that I'm not about numbers, but I DO want to be more about reach because if no one finds out that I made a thing then the thing gets buried and that's not fair to the thing or to the person who makes the thing who happens to be me in this case, so I have to help with visibility

And everywhere I look, the growth mindset people are like "be all about what makes you weird, honesty matters" but also "be relatable and aspirational" and also "curate yourself into what is relevant to your niche only" and I'm just like, ok but this and that and that other thing don't go together 😂

Like, I grew up and was taught over and over that it's very important to be gray and smile and nod and pass in all possible ways so as to not make myself into a target because I'm way too visible and loud and weird, but that's always been at odds with my personality 😌 so my online presence is a mess

I feel that my whole unmasking journey is all about stating what I believe with confidence and openly living by it instead of protecting myself from danger and backlash due to fear caused by trauma + RSD, so this really got me thinking about the importance of being transparent even while being vague

Thank you Donut! I hope so too. The heart's just a little slower than everything else ❤️

And then Loki came and purred for me and let me give him lots of love, tolerated being on my lap too...

Truly, my black and white worldview can't take the 2025 emotional rollercoaster 😭❤️

One of those times when my head is like "Oh, yes, this is what is going on, makes sense because abcd4iuxyz, the solution is simple, everything is in your hands actually" while my body is like haha. Nice try but nope. Alexithymia can't save you. Die.

🙏🙏🙏🙏 (no es cierto pero SE HACE LO HUMANAMENTE POSIBLE POR ACERCARNOS)