At a loss, Ghost stared for a few moments as Soap trembled over himself, shoulders shaking so hard he knew the muscle must be aching.
“It was my mistake,” Soap whispered, “I deserved it,” he repeated, over and over.
Worst of all, Ghost really knew he believed it. (74/74)
“It was my mistake,” Soap whispered, “I deserved it,” he repeated, over and over.
Worst of all, Ghost really knew he believed it. (74/74)
November 30, 2024 at 11:01 AM
At a loss, Ghost stared for a few moments as Soap trembled over himself, shoulders shaking so hard he knew the muscle must be aching.
“It was my mistake,” Soap whispered, “I deserved it,” he repeated, over and over.
Worst of all, Ghost really knew he believed it. (74/74)
“It was my mistake,” Soap whispered, “I deserved it,” he repeated, over and over.
Worst of all, Ghost really knew he believed it. (74/74)
Don’t even bullshit me, Simon, you know damn well—” his voice cracked, and all the fury and anger he had mustered up fizzled out in an instant. A wick blown out, Soap collapsed again, from anger to despair. Curving into himself until he was nearly praying. (73/74)
November 30, 2024 at 11:01 AM
Don’t even bullshit me, Simon, you know damn well—” his voice cracked, and all the fury and anger he had mustered up fizzled out in an instant. A wick blown out, Soap collapsed again, from anger to despair. Curving into himself until he was nearly praying. (73/74)
wild bitter smile on his face, wide eyes glistening in unshed distraught tears.
“Stop,” Ghost pleaded, “don’t talk like that”
“Like what?!” Soap growled, “none of you would’ve fallen for that, not you, or Gaz or Price. (72/74)
“Stop,” Ghost pleaded, “don’t talk like that”
“Like what?!” Soap growled, “none of you would’ve fallen for that, not you, or Gaz or Price. (72/74)
November 30, 2024 at 11:01 AM
wild bitter smile on his face, wide eyes glistening in unshed distraught tears.
“Stop,” Ghost pleaded, “don’t talk like that”
“Like what?!” Soap growled, “none of you would’ve fallen for that, not you, or Gaz or Price. (72/74)
“Stop,” Ghost pleaded, “don’t talk like that”
“Like what?!” Soap growled, “none of you would’ve fallen for that, not you, or Gaz or Price. (72/74)
“I was raped like a fucking idiot. Drank it like I’m a stupid idiot, who wasn’t trained to know when people lie . The signs were all there and I walked into every fucking trap, and maybe I deserved to get slapped like that because fucking hell I am an idiot,” Soap said hysterically, a (71/74)
November 30, 2024 at 11:01 AM
“I was raped like a fucking idiot. Drank it like I’m a stupid idiot, who wasn’t trained to know when people lie . The signs were all there and I walked into every fucking trap, and maybe I deserved to get slapped like that because fucking hell I am an idiot,” Soap said hysterically, a (71/74)
it.”
Soap hacked a rough laugh, sharp eyes meeting Ghost’s for the first time since he came in, “face it?” Soap hissed, all venom and hatred, not towards Ghost though. It made it even worse, knowing that that tone was reserved for himself, not Ghost, not his attacker. (70/74)
Soap hacked a rough laugh, sharp eyes meeting Ghost’s for the first time since he came in, “face it?” Soap hissed, all venom and hatred, not towards Ghost though. It made it even worse, knowing that that tone was reserved for himself, not Ghost, not his attacker. (70/74)
November 30, 2024 at 11:01 AM
it.”
Soap hacked a rough laugh, sharp eyes meeting Ghost’s for the first time since he came in, “face it?” Soap hissed, all venom and hatred, not towards Ghost though. It made it even worse, knowing that that tone was reserved for himself, not Ghost, not his attacker. (70/74)
Soap hacked a rough laugh, sharp eyes meeting Ghost’s for the first time since he came in, “face it?” Soap hissed, all venom and hatred, not towards Ghost though. It made it even worse, knowing that that tone was reserved for himself, not Ghost, not his attacker. (70/74)
bed. “Are you mad at me? Do you count it as cheating?”
“Johnny, it’s none of that,” Ghost said urgently, careful to keep his tone soft, unaccusing. Gentle, even, as much as he can muster up. “I don’t want to push you, not when the wound is still fresh…not when you can’t even face (69/74)
“Johnny, it’s none of that,” Ghost said urgently, careful to keep his tone soft, unaccusing. Gentle, even, as much as he can muster up. “I don’t want to push you, not when the wound is still fresh…not when you can’t even face (69/74)
November 30, 2024 at 11:01 AM
bed. “Are you mad at me? Do you count it as cheating?”
“Johnny, it’s none of that,” Ghost said urgently, careful to keep his tone soft, unaccusing. Gentle, even, as much as he can muster up. “I don’t want to push you, not when the wound is still fresh…not when you can’t even face (69/74)
“Johnny, it’s none of that,” Ghost said urgently, careful to keep his tone soft, unaccusing. Gentle, even, as much as he can muster up. “I don’t want to push you, not when the wound is still fresh…not when you can’t even face (69/74)
“You don’t want to fuck me anymore,” Soap said bluntly, devoid of emotions again, “why?” he asked, “I come in every night…and you don’t touch me like you used to. You don’t want to…am I ruined for you? Is that it?” his voice began to shake as he went on, eyes still fixed on Ghost’s (68/74)
November 30, 2024 at 11:01 AM
“You don’t want to fuck me anymore,” Soap said bluntly, devoid of emotions again, “why?” he asked, “I come in every night…and you don’t touch me like you used to. You don’t want to…am I ruined for you? Is that it?” his voice began to shake as he went on, eyes still fixed on Ghost’s (68/74)
The perfect picture of despair.
“Look at me” Ghost said, “Johnny, look up, love, please?”
Soap shakes his head again, pulling back his hands from Ghost’s grip, looking to the side, where Simon’s bed lays neatly made. Untouched since the morning. (67/74)
“Look at me” Ghost said, “Johnny, look up, love, please?”
Soap shakes his head again, pulling back his hands from Ghost’s grip, looking to the side, where Simon’s bed lays neatly made. Untouched since the morning. (67/74)
November 30, 2024 at 11:01 AM
The perfect picture of despair.
“Look at me” Ghost said, “Johnny, look up, love, please?”
Soap shakes his head again, pulling back his hands from Ghost’s grip, looking to the side, where Simon’s bed lays neatly made. Untouched since the morning. (67/74)
“Look at me” Ghost said, “Johnny, look up, love, please?”
Soap shakes his head again, pulling back his hands from Ghost’s grip, looking to the side, where Simon’s bed lays neatly made. Untouched since the morning. (67/74)
“You’ve got it all wrong, love, you’re not dirty . I will never think you’re dirty, not for this, not-not…” The words escape him, in the darkness, so up close, he can see a drop slide off of Soap’s nose. Head still bowed so far that Ghost can’t see his eyes. (66/74)
November 30, 2024 at 11:01 AM
“You’ve got it all wrong, love, you’re not dirty . I will never think you’re dirty, not for this, not-not…” The words escape him, in the darkness, so up close, he can see a drop slide off of Soap’s nose. Head still bowed so far that Ghost can’t see his eyes. (66/74)
blurted, “No, John—No, Johnny, No, nonono ” Simon repeated, hurrying to his knees, to kneel in front of Soap. Hesitating only for a moment before he grabbed Soap’s hands. Idly noticing how bitten his fingertips are, something he should take care of later. (65/74)
November 30, 2024 at 11:01 AM
blurted, “No, John—No, Johnny, No, nonono ” Simon repeated, hurrying to his knees, to kneel in front of Soap. Hesitating only for a moment before he grabbed Soap’s hands. Idly noticing how bitten his fingertips are, something he should take care of later. (65/74)
Restricting his touchiness and his want for physical affection in hopes that Soap doesn’t trigger. Doesn’t fear him or his intentions.
“You know I’m dirty now,” Soap continued, unknowing of the internal beat down that was rolling around Ghost’s psyche, “I can’t wash it off”
“No,” Ghost (64/74)
“You know I’m dirty now,” Soap continued, unknowing of the internal beat down that was rolling around Ghost’s psyche, “I can’t wash it off”
“No,” Ghost (64/74)
November 30, 2024 at 11:01 AM
Restricting his touchiness and his want for physical affection in hopes that Soap doesn’t trigger. Doesn’t fear him or his intentions.
“You know I’m dirty now,” Soap continued, unknowing of the internal beat down that was rolling around Ghost’s psyche, “I can’t wash it off”
“No,” Ghost (64/74)
“You know I’m dirty now,” Soap continued, unknowing of the internal beat down that was rolling around Ghost’s psyche, “I can’t wash it off”
“No,” Ghost (64/74)
A steady click crack crack with every word that Soap said. So misconstrued he believes that…Ghost is disgusted? The shame that follows is a whole new beast, he had thought he’d been accommodating . (63/74)
November 30, 2024 at 11:01 AM
A steady click crack crack with every word that Soap said. So misconstrued he believes that…Ghost is disgusted? The shame that follows is a whole new beast, he had thought he’d been accommodating . (63/74)
“I do” Ghost said softly, “but you can tell me”
Soap shakes his head, and he collapses onto himself more.
“You don't want to touch me” Soap whispered, “you know” he repeated, “and you don’t want to touch me anymore”
The cracks that had formed in Ghost’s heart shatter. (62/74)
Soap shakes his head, and he collapses onto himself more.
“You don't want to touch me” Soap whispered, “you know” he repeated, “and you don’t want to touch me anymore”
The cracks that had formed in Ghost’s heart shatter. (62/74)
November 30, 2024 at 11:01 AM
“I do” Ghost said softly, “but you can tell me”
Soap shakes his head, and he collapses onto himself more.
“You don't want to touch me” Soap whispered, “you know” he repeated, “and you don’t want to touch me anymore”
The cracks that had formed in Ghost’s heart shatter. (62/74)
Soap shakes his head, and he collapses onto himself more.
“You don't want to touch me” Soap whispered, “you know” he repeated, “and you don’t want to touch me anymore”
The cracks that had formed in Ghost’s heart shatter. (62/74)
And it’ll hurt, Ghost knows that much, but Soap would… should , climb back up again and crawl to a version of him that's not this broken. With proper support. With proper care.
And it all hinged on what he says. What he does, in this moment. (61/74)
And it all hinged on what he says. What he does, in this moment. (61/74)
November 30, 2024 at 11:01 AM
And it’ll hurt, Ghost knows that much, but Soap would… should , climb back up again and crawl to a version of him that's not this broken. With proper support. With proper care.
And it all hinged on what he says. What he does, in this moment. (61/74)
And it all hinged on what he says. What he does, in this moment. (61/74)
simply.
The reply stuck to the back of Ghost’s throat. This was it, the crux. Soap had climbed up so high, reached the peak of his denial. Now all that’s left is for him to plummet into reality. Free fall until nothing holds him back anymore. (60/74)
The reply stuck to the back of Ghost’s throat. This was it, the crux. Soap had climbed up so high, reached the peak of his denial. Now all that’s left is for him to plummet into reality. Free fall until nothing holds him back anymore. (60/74)
November 30, 2024 at 11:01 AM
simply.
The reply stuck to the back of Ghost’s throat. This was it, the crux. Soap had climbed up so high, reached the peak of his denial. Now all that’s left is for him to plummet into reality. Free fall until nothing holds him back anymore. (60/74)
The reply stuck to the back of Ghost’s throat. This was it, the crux. Soap had climbed up so high, reached the peak of his denial. Now all that’s left is for him to plummet into reality. Free fall until nothing holds him back anymore. (60/74)
“Not like this” Ghost replied.
Soap scoffed, laughing to himself as his hands, freed and no longer around Ghost’s waist, fell into his lap. He looked small like that. Kneeling, as if in prayer, head bowed, shoulders hunched and frame aching in shame and hurt .
“You know.” Soap said (59/74)
November 30, 2024 at 11:01 AM
“Not like this” Ghost replied.
Soap scoffed, laughing to himself as his hands, freed and no longer around Ghost’s waist, fell into his lap. He looked small like that. Kneeling, as if in prayer, head bowed, shoulders hunched and frame aching in shame and hurt .
“You know.” Soap said (59/74)
Or shame for whatever thought had frazzled him so bad he got to this place in the first place?
“You don’t want me?”
Soap’s voice was quiet, meek. So foreign Ghost was tempted to look behind him in case it was someone outside his window speaking instead. (58/74)
“You don’t want me?”
Soap’s voice was quiet, meek. So foreign Ghost was tempted to look behind him in case it was someone outside his window speaking instead. (58/74)
November 30, 2024 at 11:01 AM
Or shame for whatever thought had frazzled him so bad he got to this place in the first place?
“You don’t want me?”
Soap’s voice was quiet, meek. So foreign Ghost was tempted to look behind him in case it was someone outside his window speaking instead. (58/74)
“You don’t want me?”
Soap’s voice was quiet, meek. So foreign Ghost was tempted to look behind him in case it was someone outside his window speaking instead. (58/74)
didn’t reply, sat on his knees, staring at the floor. If shame had a smell, he knew Soap would be reeking of it. But Ghost wasn’t sure of what, shame for intruding on Ghost and basically cornering him? Not asking before he sunk to his knees in an attempt to get…something? (57/74)
November 30, 2024 at 11:01 AM
didn’t reply, sat on his knees, staring at the floor. If shame had a smell, he knew Soap would be reeking of it. But Ghost wasn’t sure of what, shame for intruding on Ghost and basically cornering him? Not asking before he sunk to his knees in an attempt to get…something? (57/74)
times before.
Ghost caught his hands just as he began to slide the pants below his ass, holding both of Soap’s wrists in place. His breath catching in his throat when Soap tried to fight back.
“Stop—” Ghost hissed, stumbling backwards into the window, “Johnny what the fuck?”
Soap (56/74)
Ghost caught his hands just as he began to slide the pants below his ass, holding both of Soap’s wrists in place. His breath catching in his throat when Soap tried to fight back.
“Stop—” Ghost hissed, stumbling backwards into the window, “Johnny what the fuck?”
Soap (56/74)
November 30, 2024 at 11:01 AM
times before.
Ghost caught his hands just as he began to slide the pants below his ass, holding both of Soap’s wrists in place. His breath catching in his throat when Soap tried to fight back.
“Stop—” Ghost hissed, stumbling backwards into the window, “Johnny what the fuck?”
Soap (56/74)
Ghost caught his hands just as he began to slide the pants below his ass, holding both of Soap’s wrists in place. His breath catching in his throat when Soap tried to fight back.
“Stop—” Ghost hissed, stumbling backwards into the window, “Johnny what the fuck?”
Soap (56/74)
Moving so fast Ghost didn’t even get to process, as Soap’s hands, shaking, reached for his belt buckle. Eyes focused on Ghost’s waist line. Never looking up at him, and his fingers are clumsy, shaking far too much for him to properly unbuckle the belt loop despite having done it a dozen (55/74)
November 30, 2024 at 11:01 AM
Moving so fast Ghost didn’t even get to process, as Soap’s hands, shaking, reached for his belt buckle. Eyes focused on Ghost’s waist line. Never looking up at him, and his fingers are clumsy, shaking far too much for him to properly unbuckle the belt loop despite having done it a dozen (55/74)
Propelled even more by the motions Soap goes through. Without a word, as Ghost began to stand from where he had been half sitting on his window, Soap began to strip.
Shirt, pants, underwear, until he was in nothing but his own skin. Then he was at Ghost’s knees. (54/74)
November 30, 2024 at 11:01 AM
Propelled even more by the motions Soap goes through. Without a word, as Ghost began to stand from where he had been half sitting on his window, Soap began to strip.
Shirt, pants, underwear, until he was in nothing but his own skin. Then he was at Ghost’s knees. (54/74)
His clothes were crumpled, like he had tossed and turned until they didn’t know how to sit on his body.
Ghost stared back at Soap, mouth hung open. Confusion must be evident on his face, especially since he didn’t have his mask on. (53/74)
Ghost stared back at Soap, mouth hung open. Confusion must be evident on his face, especially since he didn’t have his mask on. (53/74)
November 30, 2024 at 11:01 AM
His clothes were crumpled, like he had tossed and turned until they didn’t know how to sit on his body.
Ghost stared back at Soap, mouth hung open. Confusion must be evident on his face, especially since he didn’t have his mask on. (53/74)
Ghost stared back at Soap, mouth hung open. Confusion must be evident on his face, especially since he didn’t have his mask on. (53/74)
His door opened with an unprecedented force, nearly rattling against the wall before Soap had caught it, aware of the time and commotion.
Soap looked feral, for lack of a better descriptor. His hair mussed up, eyes red rimmed and lips bitten from worry. (52/74)
Soap looked feral, for lack of a better descriptor. His hair mussed up, eyes red rimmed and lips bitten from worry. (52/74)
November 30, 2024 at 11:01 AM
His door opened with an unprecedented force, nearly rattling against the wall before Soap had caught it, aware of the time and commotion.
Soap looked feral, for lack of a better descriptor. His hair mussed up, eyes red rimmed and lips bitten from worry. (52/74)
Soap looked feral, for lack of a better descriptor. His hair mussed up, eyes red rimmed and lips bitten from worry. (52/74)
Not for anything, he just needed to busy his hands, keep his mouth occupied and dull out his mind with nicotine instead of the usual over worrying about everyone around him. (51/74)
November 30, 2024 at 11:01 AM
Not for anything, he just needed to busy his hands, keep his mouth occupied and dull out his mind with nicotine instead of the usual over worrying about everyone around him. (51/74)