then i got proven right again, i guess, when i woke up from major surgery at 3/10 pain. i thought i was /weak/ and had low pain tolerance for literally my entire adult life because my only real reference was periods and i just kept getting 'deal with it like everyone else, don't be dramatic 🙄'

when they actually got in there for surgery, i had multiple lesions on my peritoneal wall and colon, and scar tissue adhesion that glued my colon and intestines to my lower back muscles in at least two places. wild how i was right about my own pain for over a decade.

it took 11 years to get a basic ultrasound to rule out structural issues and fibroids for bleeding that made me anemic to the point of being unable to walk around my house in my preteens, for reference. i was sort of ok due to birth control, but when that stopped working i got very little help

the sheer contrast of the past 12 years of being told i'm being hysterical/weak/hypochondriac vs downplaying my own pain/symptoms to avoid being seen as 'dramatic' and immediately being called on it within 5 minutes of conversation was insane

after 12 years of getting brushed off and possibly straight up gaslit by medical professionals and learning to not trust them by default, it's weird to realize i'm kind of devastated that my surgeon who i've seen face to face 5 times total is leaving the practice near me

Thank you! I'll make sure to take a look at them. I've got a lot of downtime coming up, so I'm sure I'll find one to get into

thank you! media to watch would be great. I barely know where to begin tbh, so anything you have would be amazing

that's true.

I'm mostly going for this program because it's taught in english and has specific classes set up for learning the language close to fluency, which would otherwise be a major barrier for getting work in this country

i'm just not sure why people are so attached to this place. i know i won't survive if i don't leave. i'm not a strong or resilient person. especially in the area where i live, over 50% of the people voted for this. I can't trust anyone I haven't already met, and it's exhausting.

i'm trying to get into an english language masters program to have a structured portion of time to get settled, but i will go over there and rawdog it if i have to or if things absolutely implode here and i can no longer afford it even if i get in.

if you're a minority in america and have any route to get dual citizenship, would should start that process now. i'm almost there myself. if my own family hadn't fucked me over through HHR, i would actually be a dual citizen now and able to live somewhere with universal, affordable healthcare.

because regardless of the results of my upcoming masters application, i will be going back. good run while we had it but nah. i;m going back to the country with universal healthcare and public transit bye