Clifford Trump.

Somehow not a headline from “The Onion”

If you’re a business man in an airport or coffee shop, you don’t need to talk at a yelling volume. We already know you’re super important & smart & probably don’t have a weird penis because of your expensive suit & dumb haircut. No need to scream about market capitilization and boots on the ground.

Great now I can’t pay my nut because I blew all of my nut on the Hawk Tuah Coin!

‘Disney-Adult’ is an oxymoron.

My favorite new video genre is people attacking YouTubers at the mall for doing “prank” videos. How do we make these people famous, instead of the YouTubers?

And in case you’re wondering - yes he did work at Chipotle, and yes he did fuck my burrito up.

Just heard someone use the phrase “a fat minute” and thought I time traveled to 2005.

I used to be California-sober, until I quit weed. But I still take mushrooms. Now I’m Forest-sober.

Jakob Dylan>Bob Dylan.

It’s easy to feel small and insignificant in this gigantic universe but always remember, sometimes the tiniest and quietest farts are the smelliest.

Get you a Strap-DaddyTM

Why does Elon Musk look like he’s hiding all his money in his belly?

If Jake Paul really wants to prove he’s great, he should fight a 12-year-old next.