godspeed to you and yours in Chicago. Absolutely phenomenal work on the ground, though I can only guess at how utterly heinous it was, dealing with that shit.

I mean...doesn't seem so, but that's from MY non-heterosexual perspective.

lol

Well, thank you!

I am cisfemale though I skew gender nonconforming. Whatevs. As long as you find a bit of joy in each day and may random acts of kindness infuse us all.

Cheers!

21/ Anyway. Editors are good to have. Skilled editors are even better. And this book would really have benefited from one.

Ah, well. Onward to the next read!

20/ So I wonder about this book--because it's, like, 12 in a series and maybe it's doing all right, does the writer not get edited anymore? Just proofread? That's sad if that's the case, because it could be so much stronger and smoother with a skilled edit and readers would get a better story.

19/ A skilled editor would know how to help the writer build tension in a way that isn't clunky or weird--and a lot of times, strong dialogue is a good way to do that and to open possibilities for readers to wonder what's up without an overarching narrator interjecting what to think.

18/ But the MC makes it seem like this is actually a paranormal cozy mystery with the now consistent chapter endings of "something BAD is coming!" and "My little town is in danger!" (and no, it isn't a paranormal cozy--though it seems to be trying to be one.)

17/ and it doesn't make a clear connection. Events happen. You can be a little put out by this display by the two dickheads, but the town knows they're dickheads, so they'll just break up the fight and tell them to get lost. No "storm is coming." Even the injury thing isn't indicative of "a storm."

16/ Based on an argument between 2 dickheads, the entire town is now going to be affected badly?

So then there's a suspicious accident at the festival and one of the assholes is injured. Okay, NOW start wondering about the fight. But the constant "a storm is coming!" is overplaying your hand. ...

15/ And stop the weird hype phrases to build tension.

The book opens at a fall festival and there's some argument between two of the town assholes. Okay, good. Interesting. But like 2 pages after this argument, the main character is all, "something terrible is coming to my small town!"

Really?

14/ Other things a skilled editor should have caught:

Overuse of certain phrases like "made his/her/their way" over to [wherever or whatever]. I've seen this several times in this book already and I'm only on p. 50. Just say walked. They walked over to the counter or whatever it is.

13/
"Oh, hell. No you didn't." She dissolved into laughter as Jim ordered another beer, chuckling.

See that? Neither of the characters actually said the name of the other as they talked. But this book I'm reading--the characters talk to each other and constantly say each other's names in dialogue.

12/ (example, cont.)
Jim grinned and finished his beer. "Depends on the day. Fridays, Mavis is baking and those are the rolls worth the break in."
Lisa pursed her lips. "Good point. Greta's doughnuts are good too, though."
"No doughnuts were stolen." He grinned. "Or maybe Stollen."
[keep going...]

11/ Instead, use action tags:
Lisa took a sip of her margarita and looked at Jim. "I heard there was a robbery at the bakery yesterday."
"Yeah? What'd you hear?"
She shrugged. "Couple hundred bucks taken. And a tray of cinnamon rolls." She snort-laughed. "The rolls are totally worth a robbery."

10/ A skilled editor should have caught that and cleaned up that dialogue. The constant "name-dropping," if you will--to remind you, the reader, of who is having the conversation--is clunky. And why would a reader have suddenly forgotten who was having the convo? Don't name-drop in dialogue.

9/ How many of you actually address the person you're talking to by name throughout the course of the conversation? I'm willing to bet it's never to maybe .5 percent of the time.

If the writer has set the scene with some characters, why, then, are characters constantly saying each other's names?

8/ Back to this cozy mystery. omg, plz stop using character names in a back-and-forth dialogue between 2 people.
"Hey, Lisa, how are you?"
"Fine, Jim. How are you?"
"Well, Lisa, I'm working on a story. Maybe you can help."
"Sure, Jim. How?"

Do you see that?

7/ I'm a believer in dialogue and character actions as vehicles to reveal plot and backstory. In the books I've written--including series--I spent a lot of time using those as helping readers get up to speed on backstory. I try really hard not to info-dump because that is not a strong suit for me.