I am worried on bad days and content on good ones. The fear comes from a lack of love, and you have your husband who you love and who loves you. Do anything small that could make you smile and indulge in it. Sink your teeth deep!

Remember to bake, pancakes, cookie rolls, bread. It feeds your soul.

It’s not that graphic though, he only has a boner. But I know myself. It’ll only get hornier from here.

It’s just us toying with our fantasies in a safe environment.

But Clive I can’t do that with. I don’t really WANT to, and he doesn’t express that he wants to either. I think we both reflect some fragile inner child with each other. We see each other’s weaknesses before each other’s strengths.

It’s England and Clive btw. Clive being the non-violent one and England being the gruesome one.

I LOVE playing out stories of England torturing and ripping me apart and doing horrific shit to me, but because I trust and love him otherwise, and he does the same, it doesn’t have a feeling of malice.

And DUH, it’s because I see myself in him. He’s the soft inner child in me, and our relationship reflects that. I don’t think of him violently because I don’t want to commit violence to myself.

But I DO expect my lovers to be violent towards me, and vice versa. Explaining the violent relationships.

Like, it’s all just me reenacting how I feel I deserve to be loved; with torturous violence, but explored in a safe way with a character I adore and have a trusting relationship with.

But on the flip side, this other character that this person likes, I like without that violence. Why is that?