since I already read gay romance to cope with the fact we never had teenage love because of our body, yearning for warm love that doesn't exist

our family doesn't even try anyways and misgender us in public which gave me stares before, it's terrifying trying so hard to pass and then someone she's you or deadname and then you get that look of disgust for being trans, I am tired, we should deserve better yet we don't

I just want to give up, a lot of us want to too, just try again at another life, it would do everyone a favor, no one would notice our absence anyways, only issue is who would take care of matcha, I doubt there would be anyone who would care for them like us

we could have been somebody but no, we are a mediocre useless bitch who can't do anything anymore, only be a burden on the few people that want to torture themselves by being around us, our art is worthless garbage and no one would look at photos of ours anyways bc of the way we are

our life is fucking ruined by abuse,mental illness and gender dysphoria that we live on early retirement money and we probably can never travel bc of T being a controlled substance so we have nothing to see anyways, we are just a parasite on ppl who actually deserve to live, it doesn't get better

and I can wait for a fucking year to get this shit on our chest finally removed bc insurance only will cover if on T for a year, and then another to get all that other bottom crap removed and fixed, our life will begin at 27 at best but there is nothing to live for after that

it's a cruel joke, if it can't even do the bare minimum of representing me fully why should I give a flying fuck about it, it's not "me", we are so heavily dissociated from it that T is genuinely life saving, I don't give a shit if this is too much or anything got nothing to lose lol