Happy birthday, progeny!

If he insists on wearing clothes, I hope he'll consider choosing this shirt

😂😂😂

😂😂😂

Ok, that bot has a great rack, but what if she has a face like Steve Buscemi and Willem Dafoe had a love child and then she ran into a wall? Or is that not a deal breaker?

Look, if it was this easy I would have been gone a long time ago.

😂😂😂

Right?!

It's amazing how many narcissists have so little self-awareness, isn't it? It must be so awkward for them to have their heads so far up their ass AND keep putting their foot in their mouths! 😂😂😂

At my grandma's funeral, three of her friends sat around me loudly proclaiming how they were going to deal with my uncle...her son...because he didn't show up. It was the loudest felony planning ever! 😂😂😂

Ha! That's great!

😂😂😂

Going to be a lot of feral spider monkey moments, huh? If I drank, this would be a prime opportunity for a drinking game. We'd probably have alcohol poisoning by the end.

Yeah, that's pretty much the extent of things here. There are those of us who like to escape the horrors and others who like to really roll around in them...and then there's a random score or two.

That's a good one, too.

Was that in falsetto? I'm going to say yes.

It probably started that way and then an editor stepped in and said "Dude...what the fuck?"

I stole somebody's idea of cutting little leg holes in a small canvas bag and hanging the cat up. It didn't work particularly well, but the surprise factor worked in my favor and I was able to trim maybe 8 total claws.

I'm honestly surprised they didn't murder me the first time I tried that.