In honor of Gilbert Hortman, a truly great American patriot (and goodest, good boy), I am ordering all American flags throughout the United States of America lowered to half mast until Sunday evening (the 3 month anniversary of his politically motivated assassination by a radical right MAGA cultist)

Love this graffiti of a very generous man giving away free sandwiches 🥪 Mom loves it too so she took this pic after picking me up from doggie daycare on H Street last week. She said something about MAGA taking their trumped-up felony charge and shoving it up their a$$ #FreeDC

Enjoying the end of summer here in this “dirty, crime ridden death trap” of a city 😎 #peopleofdc #freedc

Typical Thursday night at Union Market in NE DC spent dodging bullets and hiding from all those “bloodthirsty criminals, roving mobs of wild youth, drugged out maniacs and homeless people” who have overtaken the city 🙄 #peopleofdc #freedc

It was Attorney General L’s 4th birthday today. She is not my favorite. She is always tattling to Mom about my “unconstitutional” behavior. Plus, she steals my thunder by photo bombing all my pics. And perhaps worst of all, she refuses to share her food with me #puppyPOTUS #altcommanderinchief

Mom got mad at me for pissing on the floor today. She said my actions were beneath the Office of the President. But upon further reflection, she apologized and said that at least I wasn’t taking a daily dump on the Constitution. I accepted her apology and a treat. #AltCommanderinChief #puppyPOTUS

Here to report that, unlike MAGA who apparently have no shame, I am literally engulfed in a cone of shame.

First Mother here. Commander had emergency surgery yesterday. It turns out the Alt President of the United States has a rock problem. And despite his loving families many interventions, he went on a weekend bender that resulted in the need to remove SEVEN motherfing rocks from his belly🪨🪨🪨🪨🪨🪨🪨

My talks with Canada on the formation of the United States of Canada are going well. I have clarified that we don’t want to annex Canada, we want Canada to annex us (Blue States). JT appears to have gotten the message and has agreed to target only Red States with retaliatory tariffs. More to come.

Does Bode have any illegitimate children? Asking for a friend.

Given the recent attempt on my life, I have hired a new secret service agent trained in the martial arts. Agent M just earned her yellow belt in taekwondo and is ready to carry me “Bodyguard” style from danger if needed.

My first week as President was certainly eventful. Not because I issued a ton of unhinged executive orders, but because of my attempted assassination. Mom said to stop calling it that but what else do you call being force fed poison until you puke up the yummy human pill you ate off the floor?

I am happy to report that the Veterinarian to the President has given me a clean bill of health. She also said I am cleared to be neutered. Not sure what that means but it sounds fun! When I asked Vice President Griffin for more details his lower lip started to quiver and he abruptly left the room.

All those hours of me practicing my wave for the inaugural parade were wasted. Just look at these beans, America! Such a waste.

Bad news folks. While I am sure my inauguration crowd would have been even bigger than President Barack Obama’s record breaking 1.8 million people, the weather just isn’t cooperating. Mom says we need to move it indoors even though it is only a few degrees colder than that glorious day in 2009.

Well, today is the big day! My inauguration as the Alt President of the United States of America is underway. Mom is so proud of me she has been crying all morning.