like i dont know what went so wrong in my development and why i cant seem to get over it. will i ever have a normal relationship with sex and sexual thoughts and expression or am i just not allowed this either. im already too abnormal to be a proper human

i almost posted the following on tumblr but caught myself on time. started feeling worse because i think im a horrible person:

"i dont want to be looked at ever. you dont need to know anything in my mind. youre not allowed to know. please leave me alone"

ACK....

and body make a big deal out of it. its always "dont like dont interact". so why...

it makes me feel terrible to be stuck like this but i know trying to force myself back into it will backfire even worse

and it's all my own fault!

not like being in + experiencing too much general Fandom Nonsense you tend to avoid made it so you can enjoy the media extremely selectively right now

the fact that if im in a bad mental state and misclick into a post can send me in a panicked state feels. embarrassing. like why do my nerves

actually. whatever. i dot care

Okey