Alli Meyle
@allimeyle.bsky.social
Comedian. Actor. Writer. Human.
I am really important.
I am really important.
It's called a liver because without it you die.
April 25, 2025 at 2:07 PM
It's called a liver because without it you die.
75 lbs down and still going.
April 21, 2025 at 10:19 PM
75 lbs down and still going.
"I've had entirely too much asparagus" said no one ever.
April 18, 2025 at 1:24 AM
"I've had entirely too much asparagus" said no one ever.
You gave your toxic ex a million chances, but the gym only gets one?
April 17, 2025 at 10:12 PM
You gave your toxic ex a million chances, but the gym only gets one?
A twelve-step program but at the end you've built a bookcase.
April 14, 2025 at 12:46 AM
A twelve-step program but at the end you've built a bookcase.
Remember...no one can prove that you weren't the general manager of a Circuit City.
March 16, 2025 at 3:04 PM
Remember...no one can prove that you weren't the general manager of a Circuit City.
Who wants to tell him that all champagne comes from France?
March 15, 2025 at 1:25 AM
Who wants to tell him that all champagne comes from France?
Have a nice day and stuff. Maybe pet a dog or something.
March 12, 2025 at 5:25 PM
Have a nice day and stuff. Maybe pet a dog or something.
Stay in school so you don't go to bars thinking less ice equals more alcohol in your drink.
March 10, 2025 at 10:43 PM
Stay in school so you don't go to bars thinking less ice equals more alcohol in your drink.
I'd like everyone to know that this picture exists.
March 10, 2025 at 8:56 PM
I'd like everyone to know that this picture exists.
One day you're living it up in your 20s and then all of a sudden you're 35 and wondering why you have so many Garfield shirts.
March 10, 2025 at 6:49 PM
One day you're living it up in your 20s and then all of a sudden you're 35 and wondering why you have so many Garfield shirts.
I'm convinced that Gilmore Girls is a prequel to Grey Gardens.
March 10, 2025 at 5:33 AM
I'm convinced that Gilmore Girls is a prequel to Grey Gardens.
I lost 50 lbs which is cool and all but I'm low key pissed that none of my clothes fit.
March 10, 2025 at 1:10 AM
I lost 50 lbs which is cool and all but I'm low key pissed that none of my clothes fit.
I was looking through my past statements from the hospital and I noticed that they charged $31,000 for an endoscopy. That's ridiculous. For that much money I could buy five dozen eggs!
March 9, 2025 at 4:14 AM
I was looking through my past statements from the hospital and I noticed that they charged $31,000 for an endoscopy. That's ridiculous. For that much money I could buy five dozen eggs!
Elon Musk gets a lot of hate.
But it's not enough. We can do better.
But it's not enough. We can do better.
February 22, 2025 at 1:15 AM
Elon Musk gets a lot of hate.
But it's not enough. We can do better.
But it's not enough. We can do better.
And in conclusion, may I please remind you, that it does not say RSVP on the statue of liberty.
February 13, 2025 at 5:56 PM
And in conclusion, may I please remind you, that it does not say RSVP on the statue of liberty.
You can't be sexy AND gastrointestinally stable.
January 30, 2025 at 7:25 PM
You can't be sexy AND gastrointestinally stable.
I'm drinking a coconut water because I haven't had diarrhea in a while.
January 26, 2025 at 2:42 AM
I'm drinking a coconut water because I haven't had diarrhea in a while.
Living in Florida is like living in Hell, and it is literally freezing over right now.
January 24, 2025 at 1:44 AM
Living in Florida is like living in Hell, and it is literally freezing over right now.
Giraffes probably don't know what a fart smells like.
January 17, 2025 at 5:41 PM
Giraffes probably don't know what a fart smells like.
I just adopted this beautiful 10 year old boy. Help me name my new best friend!!
January 13, 2025 at 10:14 PM
I just adopted this beautiful 10 year old boy. Help me name my new best friend!!
White male privilege is Superman entering the country illegally and getting a job at the Daily Planet with no questions asked.
January 12, 2025 at 8:14 PM
White male privilege is Superman entering the country illegally and getting a job at the Daily Planet with no questions asked.
If the USA is so great, why did they make a USB?
January 7, 2025 at 6:38 PM
If the USA is so great, why did they make a USB?
The perfect t-shirt doesn't exi...oh wait yes it does.
January 6, 2025 at 6:35 PM
The perfect t-shirt doesn't exi...oh wait yes it does.