Alice Ivy
@alice-ivy.bsky.social
Can't log into my twitter anymore
if you love breakfast for dinner you'll love the new dinner for breakfast
April 17, 2025 at 10:42 AM
if you love breakfast for dinner you'll love the new dinner for breakfast
Were you a red cooler or blue cooler kinda family?
December 17, 2024 at 9:21 AM
Were you a red cooler or blue cooler kinda family?
Husband who doesn't drink who has just discovered naan bread "my favorite beer is naan alcoholic"
November 22, 2024 at 12:35 AM
Husband who doesn't drink who has just discovered naan bread "my favorite beer is naan alcoholic"
Husband while jerking off trying to think of things we need from amazon while in the shower together "poothtaste"
November 22, 2024 at 12:34 AM
Husband while jerking off trying to think of things we need from amazon while in the shower together "poothtaste"
Husband: round two?
Me: what? lol
husband: to really seal it in
me: seal WHAT in??
husband: oh yaknow
me: no I don't know actually.
husband: :)
Me: what? lol
husband: to really seal it in
me: seal WHAT in??
husband: oh yaknow
me: no I don't know actually.
husband: :)
November 22, 2024 at 12:33 AM
Husband: round two?
Me: what? lol
husband: to really seal it in
me: seal WHAT in??
husband: oh yaknow
me: no I don't know actually.
husband: :)
Me: what? lol
husband: to really seal it in
me: seal WHAT in??
husband: oh yaknow
me: no I don't know actually.
husband: :)
Husband: "balls deep anal the day after burrito day # Soulmates"
November 22, 2024 at 12:28 AM
Husband: "balls deep anal the day after burrito day # Soulmates"
Husband: Stop Laughing at me.
Me: I'm not laughing at you.
Husband: Well you're not laughing WITH me because I'M not laughing I'M Jerking Off.
Me: I'm not laughing at you.
Husband: Well you're not laughing WITH me because I'M not laughing I'M Jerking Off.
November 22, 2024 at 12:28 AM
Husband: Stop Laughing at me.
Me: I'm not laughing at you.
Husband: Well you're not laughing WITH me because I'M not laughing I'M Jerking Off.
Me: I'm not laughing at you.
Husband: Well you're not laughing WITH me because I'M not laughing I'M Jerking Off.
Just learned you can put emojis in your spotify playlist names
November 22, 2024 at 12:28 AM
Just learned you can put emojis in your spotify playlist names
Husband: Nothing is better than having a good personality, except being hot.
November 22, 2024 at 12:27 AM
Husband: Nothing is better than having a good personality, except being hot.
told him to take my vibrator because i need a tolerance break and he really took it
November 22, 2024 at 12:26 AM
told him to take my vibrator because i need a tolerance break and he really took it
Me: *Sneezes*
Husband: Bless you
Me: *Glares*
Husband: its not god blessing you, its Sean and Nathaniel from 3Oh!3
Me: oh
Husband: Bless you
Me: *Glares*
Husband: its not god blessing you, its Sean and Nathaniel from 3Oh!3
Me: oh
November 22, 2024 at 12:26 AM
Me: *Sneezes*
Husband: Bless you
Me: *Glares*
Husband: its not god blessing you, its Sean and Nathaniel from 3Oh!3
Me: oh
Husband: Bless you
Me: *Glares*
Husband: its not god blessing you, its Sean and Nathaniel from 3Oh!3
Me: oh
me: I'm gonna miss you"
Husnand (when engaged): "i'm not going anywhere. you made that sound like you were gonna kill me, but I know IF you were, you'd wait until we were married because being a widow is more aesthetic"
Husnand (when engaged): "i'm not going anywhere. you made that sound like you were gonna kill me, but I know IF you were, you'd wait until we were married because being a widow is more aesthetic"
November 22, 2024 at 12:25 AM
me: I'm gonna miss you"
Husnand (when engaged): "i'm not going anywhere. you made that sound like you were gonna kill me, but I know IF you were, you'd wait until we were married because being a widow is more aesthetic"
Husnand (when engaged): "i'm not going anywhere. you made that sound like you were gonna kill me, but I know IF you were, you'd wait until we were married because being a widow is more aesthetic"
Husband: i had a dream i only lived off potatoes
Me: oh? i had a dream there was vampires in my old house it was weird
Husband: no a goal in life kind of dream, and you were bella swan weird?
Me: no weirder
Husband: you were jacob?
Me: oh? i had a dream there was vampires in my old house it was weird
Husband: no a goal in life kind of dream, and you were bella swan weird?
Me: no weirder
Husband: you were jacob?
November 22, 2024 at 12:24 AM
Husband: i had a dream i only lived off potatoes
Me: oh? i had a dream there was vampires in my old house it was weird
Husband: no a goal in life kind of dream, and you were bella swan weird?
Me: no weirder
Husband: you were jacob?
Me: oh? i had a dream there was vampires in my old house it was weird
Husband: no a goal in life kind of dream, and you were bella swan weird?
Me: no weirder
Husband: you were jacob?
Husband: hips don't lie is Rihanna right?
November 22, 2024 at 12:23 AM
Husband: hips don't lie is Rihanna right?
Husband: Tums because Toasty in my throasty
November 22, 2024 at 12:22 AM
Husband: Tums because Toasty in my throasty
Remember when they were called bewbies
November 22, 2024 at 12:21 AM
Remember when they were called bewbies
Remember when you had you wait for the next twilight movie?well you don't have to wait anymore, they're all there.
November 22, 2024 at 12:21 AM
Remember when you had you wait for the next twilight movie?well you don't have to wait anymore, they're all there.
me: i could eat a whole key lime pie
Husband: i know what that is!
me: do you though?
Husband: no...
Husband: i know what that is!
me: do you though?
Husband: no...
November 22, 2024 at 12:20 AM
me: i could eat a whole key lime pie
Husband: i know what that is!
me: do you though?
Husband: no...
Husband: i know what that is!
me: do you though?
Husband: no...
i asked him if he haggled and he said "yeah guess i must've haggle bedaggled"
November 22, 2024 at 12:20 AM
i asked him if he haggled and he said "yeah guess i must've haggle bedaggled"
do boys still axe body spray to win?
November 22, 2024 at 12:19 AM
do boys still axe body spray to win?
i wish cum tasted like pepto bismol
November 22, 2024 at 12:19 AM
i wish cum tasted like pepto bismol
Flaccid penis's creep me out
November 22, 2024 at 12:19 AM
Flaccid penis's creep me out
My dad once called tampons "shark tubes"
November 22, 2024 at 12:19 AM
My dad once called tampons "shark tubes"
Reposted by Alice Ivy
one of the top 10 most cringe qualities a person can have is giving a shit about how fallen leaves "make your lawn look bad". it's literally biodegradable plant matter that you are expending time and energy into putting into PLASTIC. BAGS. plastic.
it's fucking psychotic.
it's fucking psychotic.
October 22, 2024 at 6:39 PM
one of the top 10 most cringe qualities a person can have is giving a shit about how fallen leaves "make your lawn look bad". it's literally biodegradable plant matter that you are expending time and energy into putting into PLASTIC. BAGS. plastic.
it's fucking psychotic.
it's fucking psychotic.