Alia Laura
@alialaura.bsky.social
Stand up comedian 🎤
Wildlife biologist (future marine mammalogist) 🐋
Feminist 🐦🔥
Vegan 🌱
Environmentalist 🌎
Pro-Palestine 🇵🇸
Here to fuck shit up.⚡️
Wildlife biologist (future marine mammalogist) 🐋
Feminist 🐦🔥
Vegan 🌱
Environmentalist 🌎
Pro-Palestine 🇵🇸
Here to fuck shit up.⚡️
Wanting to look hot will keep you warmer than jackets ever could
October 27, 2025 at 9:42 AM
Wanting to look hot will keep you warmer than jackets ever could
Do you think Jesus ever made a fart joke
October 19, 2025 at 10:23 AM
Do you think Jesus ever made a fart joke
Learning how to backflip so I can exit parties gracefully
October 11, 2025 at 3:15 AM
Learning how to backflip so I can exit parties gracefully
Nothin’ better than slapping some moisturizer on a desert dry nipple 😮💨
September 19, 2025 at 5:15 PM
Nothin’ better than slapping some moisturizer on a desert dry nipple 😮💨
Me: hey, grab my purse, I just finished carrying YOUR stuff!
My boyfriend in the parking lot of the abortion clinic: can you not do this every time
My boyfriend in the parking lot of the abortion clinic: can you not do this every time
September 19, 2025 at 8:53 AM
Me: hey, grab my purse, I just finished carrying YOUR stuff!
My boyfriend in the parking lot of the abortion clinic: can you not do this every time
My boyfriend in the parking lot of the abortion clinic: can you not do this every time
Please be nice to me being hot and cool and brilliant and hilarious is a heavy weight to carry 🥺
September 17, 2025 at 10:18 AM
Please be nice to me being hot and cool and brilliant and hilarious is a heavy weight to carry 🥺
Every time I’m in a field I wanna be a cow so hard imagine the feast
August 26, 2025 at 4:22 AM
Every time I’m in a field I wanna be a cow so hard imagine the feast
Not much that hasn’t killed me has made me stronger but it has hollowed me into a bitter husk of my former self if that’s anything
August 15, 2025 at 11:24 AM
Not much that hasn’t killed me has made me stronger but it has hollowed me into a bitter husk of my former self if that’s anything
Eating his dick in a hot dog bun when he dies so I can choke on it one last time 🙏🏽
August 3, 2025 at 1:35 AM
Eating his dick in a hot dog bun when he dies so I can choke on it one last time 🙏🏽
Be with a man that yearns for you even once he has you.
August 2, 2025 at 4:56 AM
Be with a man that yearns for you even once he has you.
Saw a rich girl name her dog Maldives after her favorite expensive place to go so she could remember the place when she couldn’t afford it. To follow the trend I renamed my cats Gas Station and Grocery Store.
July 27, 2025 at 12:30 PM
Saw a rich girl name her dog Maldives after her favorite expensive place to go so she could remember the place when she couldn’t afford it. To follow the trend I renamed my cats Gas Station and Grocery Store.
I put the ‘hot’ in ‘I have ghot to get my shit together’
July 27, 2025 at 12:14 PM
I put the ‘hot’ in ‘I have ghot to get my shit together’
People that don’t care about the genocide in Palestine give me the (letharg)ick
July 27, 2025 at 12:12 PM
People that don’t care about the genocide in Palestine give me the (letharg)ick
“It’s about the journey, not the destination!” -men looking for my clitoris
July 27, 2025 at 11:47 AM
“It’s about the journey, not the destination!” -men looking for my clitoris
“Hey, you win some you lose some” -me, referring to my perfect boobs and crippling executive dysfunction
July 27, 2025 at 11:41 AM
“Hey, you win some you lose some” -me, referring to my perfect boobs and crippling executive dysfunction
My second favorite me too movement is hearing good men respond with it after you say “I hate men”.
July 21, 2025 at 12:52 PM
My second favorite me too movement is hearing good men respond with it after you say “I hate men”.
Started a sex journal.
A lot of long ass entries.
Come to think of it, a lot of long vagina entries too.
A lot of long ass entries.
Come to think of it, a lot of long vagina entries too.
June 23, 2025 at 10:48 PM
Started a sex journal.
A lot of long ass entries.
Come to think of it, a lot of long vagina entries too.
A lot of long ass entries.
Come to think of it, a lot of long vagina entries too.
“Simba” -me after rubbing period blood on his forehead
June 16, 2025 at 11:24 AM
“Simba” -me after rubbing period blood on his forehead
Currently nominating whoever came up with the word “bruh” for a Nobel prize
March 13, 2025 at 1:40 PM
Currently nominating whoever came up with the word “bruh” for a Nobel prize
The Notebook is a horror movie if you’re scared of commitment
February 5, 2025 at 11:25 PM
The Notebook is a horror movie if you’re scared of commitment
The hottest thing a man can be is a little afraid of me.
February 5, 2025 at 11:24 PM
The hottest thing a man can be is a little afraid of me.
Being biracial has me liberal in the summer and conservative in the winter (that’s when my tan fades and I get to experience white privilege)
February 3, 2025 at 10:49 PM
Being biracial has me liberal in the summer and conservative in the winter (that’s when my tan fades and I get to experience white privilege)
If anyone is planning on turning me into a vampire and stopping me from aging further, please do it this year. I am so fuckin hot right now
January 29, 2025 at 1:13 AM
If anyone is planning on turning me into a vampire and stopping me from aging further, please do it this year. I am so fuckin hot right now
Me: I think it’s so cool that even though my brother and I aren’t twins, he still always knows when I’m in distress and need someone to be there for me
My brother: you post every emotion and thought on your social media AS they enter your head
My brother: you post every emotion and thought on your social media AS they enter your head
January 29, 2025 at 12:28 AM
Me: I think it’s so cool that even though my brother and I aren’t twins, he still always knows when I’m in distress and need someone to be there for me
My brother: you post every emotion and thought on your social media AS they enter your head
My brother: you post every emotion and thought on your social media AS they enter your head
Growing up is realizing that saying “fuck it, we ball” is not the same as going to therapy
January 23, 2025 at 6:19 PM
Growing up is realizing that saying “fuck it, we ball” is not the same as going to therapy