Kids these days will never understand the intimacy of sharing a set of wired earbuds and I hate that for them

One thing about me is I consider myself the man of the house until there is a dead opossum under it

I think the most intimate moment I’ve ever experienced was sitting on an airplane resting my elbow on the back half of the armrest while the woman next to me used the front half

I will deadname the bird app and the Gulf of Mexico until the day I die

Regulations exist to protect what cannot protect itself!

We really couldn’t come up with a better way to name the ends of a power cord than “female” and “male”?

I hate when coworkers think I’m super young and inexperienced but yet when my boss asks me to make a phone call I suddenly feel like I can relate to these peas

Post a picture you took (no explanation) to bring some zen to the timeline.

A person’s behavior at baggage claim tells you all you need to know about their personality