Of course there is a bit of shame and fear that I might met them, but all I can say is I no longer avoid to tell about it anymore

I wish I can properly say thank you.
For everything, good and bad.

When I retold how that story, I have no idea how my coworker would take it.

But what I felt after telling her about my 1st job is that I no longer feel heavy in my heart

As if I accepted how things has happened

I didn't. I just ignore.

I didn't properly end my first job with dignity.
Or at least with forgiveness.

Sorry I just dropped everything.
Sorry I have been a bad worker.
Sorry I didn't try more or enough.
Sorry for being a weak willed person.
Sorry I made everyone mad.

At that time, I refuse to accept that I 'lost'. I refuse to accept that I was the fool, too arrogant to learn but also too hasty to handle everything.

Fear and utter shame just engulfed me.

I saw the messages from them asking to at least take my belongings and make a proper exit.

I didn't realize the pressure of the job and how I underestimate everything would eventually crushed me.

Defeated, I said I quit, went MIA for a week, left all my things there, and just let everyone there down.

Yes, I ran. Like a coward.

I got my 1st job right after I graduated. Young, fresh, naive, eager to tackle the new world.

But I was neither strong, resilient, resourceful, strong willed.

I was haughty, accept everything expecting I can handle and learn. My manager has tried his best to guide me.