i don't think i am the person i want to be, the person i need to be, in order to bear the weight of the Sea .

and it makes one wonder what i will have to do in order to change that .

goodnight, all . sweet dreams, please, for Us .

and still my hate grows to carry the sheer violence that the Flock evokes in the Sea .

this is the reckoning of becoming . i find things to ground myself, quietly , like my friends, like my sp/ins, like the writing and art i do .

i think this may sit with me for the rest of my life .

i ought to be more honest to those who follow my youtube . to you all . about everything that's happened in Le'breaux, everything that's been happening . i try so hard to be candid, and yet still the Flock takes, and takes, and / takes / what was not given to them .

they watch in so many ways .