2/2

"The lids keep falling off these pens, the manufacturer really needs to sort that out"
"Wait, what colour pen is this?"
"Hm, it's red, that won't fit the colour scheme for this list"
"Does that matter?"
"No, it's a rough list, just get it down on paper"
...
...
...
"Get *what* down on paper..?"

1/2

Partly, it was because of all the other ideas I had in those 5 seconds.

"Where's a pen I can use?"
"No, I can't use any of them"
"Maybe that one? No..."
"Ok, I'll walk over to my desk..."
"Oh, wait, there's a pencil case here"
"Oh, that's where the lid for that pen went"

Also:

Saying you've "remembered you did it I'm Excel" when, actually, you think you remember you did it in Excel. You are definitely still not 100% certain you did it in Excel.

It's about 50% memory, 50% hope.

Life is just one huge infinite regression. Like a question fractal.

A FrAQtal.

Yeah, that totally works.

Whether it does turn out to be in my bag or not, the fact I can't remember means instead of simply looking forward to seeing my friend, enjoying a podcast, or making other plans, for the past 30 mins I've had those familiar feelings of panic, frustration and self-loathing as if I had forgotten it.

If I *have* forgotten it, that's obviously horrible and just one more time I've messed up.

But, even I haven't, it still has an impact.

I'm on a train, so I can't decant my very packed bag trying to find it. So I'm just sitting stewing in the possibility I've done it again.

The real kicker is I've actually been having a good couple of days.

I'm not saying I got a lot done. I almost categorically didn't.

But I wasn't living through a haze of panic and dumbfoundedness.

It felt like there was a bit more space in my head. The good space, not the empty space.

I'VE JUST GOT BACK TO THE KITCHEN TO DISCOVER AFTER PRE-HEATING THE OVEN I *DIDN'T* *EVEN* *PUT* *THE* *GROCERIES* *AWAY*!!*

DO YOU REALISE HOW MANY INDIVIDUAL TASKS EACH NEED YOU TO CHECK INFO FIRST??!

ESPECIALLY WHEN YOUR ABILITY TO RETAIN INFO IS SO BAD IT MERITS A FULL-BLOWN MEDICAL DIAGNOSIS??

Trying to figure it out could take a good amount of time and cognitive energy.

Many might suggest "do something else, and then it'll just randomly pop into your head again".

Sure, makes sense.

But then I have to stop what I'm in the middle of, plus still face the same problem that started this.