i haven't been able to stop thinking about my mom lately bc her birthday is coming up and it's driving me crazy. i hate this so fucking much. i feel like im gonna be trapped by her forever even though she's not here

im gonna frow up lmao. time to get impossibly high and try to go to sleep

stardew valley of all the games triggered the fuck out of me 😭 "mom" sending me letters saying she loves and misses me. im gonna kms

today was nice. spent some time with the family. i should be nothing but grateful. but I still fucking miss you.

i feel like a giant baby. i just want my mommy. i need a mother's hug, a mother's love. why did you have to be so fucking evil? why did you have to hurt me over and over again? why did things have to be this way? why couldn't we just have a normal relationship? i just want my mom

i keep listening to songs that remind me of you and it is taking everything in me not to start screaming and crying. i feel like you fucking died but you're still alive. 3000 miles away. 10 numbers and a tap away. but i can't do anything. i can't talk to you. you're not good for me. you ruined me.

i miss you i miss you i miss you i love you I love you I miss you i fucking miss you

im trying really hard to keep it together and not lose my shit but it's hard. it's really hard not falling apart. i feel like im burning from the inside out. it's only a matter of time before the fire can't be contained anymore and i burn everything around me down

the sun is coming out. the rain is letting up. i still feel so cold & like im gonna puke up my guts. i miss you so fucking much. i just want a hug. or to hear you tell me you love me. i hate myself for every bad thing ive ever done to you. i can't help but feel like it's all my fault. i chose this.

i wrote a little song for the first time in a while. this one's called "it's never gonna end, is it?"

it's about ptsd and my abuser, aka my mother. idk. i don't usually share the things i write, but i want to try to be more open

the stuff that got cut off is just a repeat of a previous verse btw

i literally just woke up. can i get a minute before i have to feel like shit

i made two impulse purchases to make myself feel better. now I feel worse. Christmas is coming up, why am I a selfish cunt. why did I spend so much money on shit I don't need

todays the day!!!!!!! the day im being forced to go to a mental health facility even though im literally totally fine and not a danger to myself or anyone else !!! this is gonna be so fun :)))))) (this is going to be miserable)

i haven't taken my wegovy in awhile so I've been binging again. good Lord. i need to take it tomorrow. i can't keep doing this to myself.

everything makes me irrationally mad. i live in a perpetual state of anger. i am going to have a heart attack before im 30.