It is a reminder of life's inconsistencies, that I hate the snow, but love the snow day.
January 15, 2026 at 4:12 PM
It is a reminder of life's inconsistencies, that I hate the snow, but love the snow day.
I would love to be transplanted into a new optimized body a la John Scalzi's Old Man's War, but instead of fighting battles and whatever else, I would use it to just, like, get out of my chair without groaning.
January 14, 2026 at 6:32 PM
I would love to be transplanted into a new optimized body a la John Scalzi's Old Man's War, but instead of fighting battles and whatever else, I would use it to just, like, get out of my chair without groaning.
I just yawned for what felt like a very long time. Curious, I looked up what the longest yawn ever was, and according to the Guinness Book (the real paper of record), it was five weeks long. Really puts things into perspective. What things? I'm not sure.
January 13, 2026 at 4:21 PM
I just yawned for what felt like a very long time. Curious, I looked up what the longest yawn ever was, and according to the Guinness Book (the real paper of record), it was five weeks long. Really puts things into perspective. What things? I'm not sure.
I'm no biologist, but for my money a bee in one's bonnet has a much better chance at overhearing pertinent information than a fly on the wall.
January 12, 2026 at 7:43 PM
I'm no biologist, but for my money a bee in one's bonnet has a much better chance at overhearing pertinent information than a fly on the wall.
I wonder what it would feel like to have plans that you don't immediately want to cancel.
January 9, 2026 at 4:01 PM
I wonder what it would feel like to have plans that you don't immediately want to cancel.
The human torch really has to be careful every time he farts.
January 8, 2026 at 6:51 PM
The human torch really has to be careful every time he farts.
Just once I'd like to say 'here's the thing' and then be able to follow it up with an actual thing.
January 7, 2026 at 8:09 PM
Just once I'd like to say 'here's the thing' and then be able to follow it up with an actual thing.
If we truly are living in a video game, I really wish they'd put it on a much easier difficulty.
January 6, 2026 at 5:45 PM
If we truly are living in a video game, I really wish they'd put it on a much easier difficulty.
You're my Jonas brother from another Jonas mother.
January 5, 2026 at 7:16 PM
You're my Jonas brother from another Jonas mother.
Over a year ago I wrote a humorous horror short story called Ooh That Smell for a fantastic anthology called Dread Mondays, edited by @whisperhousepress.bsky.social. Well, today I just received my copy! Incredible to see something I wrote in an actual book for the first time.
#booksky #horrorsky
#booksky #horrorsky
October 27, 2025 at 4:40 PM
Over a year ago I wrote a humorous horror short story called Ooh That Smell for a fantastic anthology called Dread Mondays, edited by @whisperhousepress.bsky.social. Well, today I just received my copy! Incredible to see something I wrote in an actual book for the first time.
#booksky #horrorsky
#booksky #horrorsky
I can't wait to watch the Mr Beast Wing, where 1000 contestants try to piece it all back together using toothpicks.
October 24, 2025 at 7:50 PM
I can't wait to watch the Mr Beast Wing, where 1000 contestants try to piece it all back together using toothpicks.
I really couldn't put it any better than this:
Ee do ba be
Ee da ba ba ba
Um bo bo
Be lap
People on streets
Ee da de da de
People on streets
Ee da de da de da de da
Ee do ba be
Ee da ba ba ba
Um bo bo
Be lap
People on streets
Ee da de da de
People on streets
Ee da de da de da de da
October 15, 2025 at 7:01 PM
I really couldn't put it any better than this:
Ee do ba be
Ee da ba ba ba
Um bo bo
Be lap
People on streets
Ee da de da de
People on streets
Ee da de da de da de da
Ee do ba be
Ee da ba ba ba
Um bo bo
Be lap
People on streets
Ee da de da de
People on streets
Ee da de da de da de da
The only thing I do tirelessly, is be tired.
October 9, 2025 at 2:43 PM
The only thing I do tirelessly, is be tired.
My sheets are 100% pure Egyptian cotton candy.
October 8, 2025 at 6:29 PM
My sheets are 100% pure Egyptian cotton candy.
Does anyone have a good vegetarian recipe for disaster?
October 6, 2025 at 6:33 PM
Does anyone have a good vegetarian recipe for disaster?
I can't speak for Sinatra, but as I've gotten older, I find that what I really want is to wake up in a city that has had a really good night's rest.
October 3, 2025 at 7:15 PM
I can't speak for Sinatra, but as I've gotten older, I find that what I really want is to wake up in a city that has had a really good night's rest.
There is a time and place for everything. That time is 1:14 PM. And the place is Tom's house.
October 2, 2025 at 6:36 PM
There is a time and place for everything. That time is 1:14 PM. And the place is Tom's house.
If he's got the whole world in his hands, I sure hope he at least washed them first.
October 1, 2025 at 6:30 PM
If he's got the whole world in his hands, I sure hope he at least washed them first.
It's becoming very clear to me that I just don't really understand stuff. Things are quite beyond my grasp as well.
September 22, 2025 at 4:44 PM
It's becoming very clear to me that I just don't really understand stuff. Things are quite beyond my grasp as well.
I've been 'faking it' for quite a while. The time of 'making it' should really be here by now.
September 20, 2025 at 2:37 PM
I've been 'faking it' for quite a while. The time of 'making it' should really be here by now.
Email subject lines will be the thing that eventually kills me.
September 10, 2025 at 2:30 PM
Email subject lines will be the thing that eventually kills me.
Sometimes you eat the bear. Sometimes the bear eats you. Sometimes you and the bear decide to open up a food truck together, get into an argument over whether you should charge extra for guacamole and then the bear leaves in disgust and now you're the one stuck with covering the damage deposit.
September 3, 2025 at 6:39 PM
Sometimes you eat the bear. Sometimes the bear eats you. Sometimes you and the bear decide to open up a food truck together, get into an argument over whether you should charge extra for guacamole and then the bear leaves in disgust and now you're the one stuck with covering the damage deposit.
I think more songs should spell out words. Hot To Go. Respect. Saturday Night. Gloria. It always works, it's always catchy, and it keeps the dream of a literate world alive.
August 20, 2025 at 5:49 PM
I think more songs should spell out words. Hot To Go. Respect. Saturday Night. Gloria. It always works, it's always catchy, and it keeps the dream of a literate world alive.
I'm writing a sequel to the dictionary. I've always wanted to know what happened to all those words after they made it.
August 13, 2025 at 5:27 PM
I'm writing a sequel to the dictionary. I've always wanted to know what happened to all those words after they made it.
Me: Let's paint the town red!
Painter: All I've got is leftover semi-gloss eggshell.
Me: How much of the town can we cover with it?
Painter: Are we talking trees and grass?
Me: If they are within the town's legal boundaries then def.
Painter: We should probably grab some municipal maps first.
Painter: All I've got is leftover semi-gloss eggshell.
Me: How much of the town can we cover with it?
Painter: Are we talking trees and grass?
Me: If they are within the town's legal boundaries then def.
Painter: We should probably grab some municipal maps first.
August 7, 2025 at 6:44 PM
Me: Let's paint the town red!
Painter: All I've got is leftover semi-gloss eggshell.
Me: How much of the town can we cover with it?
Painter: Are we talking trees and grass?
Me: If they are within the town's legal boundaries then def.
Painter: We should probably grab some municipal maps first.
Painter: All I've got is leftover semi-gloss eggshell.
Me: How much of the town can we cover with it?
Painter: Are we talking trees and grass?
Me: If they are within the town's legal boundaries then def.
Painter: We should probably grab some municipal maps first.