Forgive me but I don’t understand blacking out entire sleeves of tattoos after regret. It’s like “ohh no I made a mistake and peed on the floor, I better shit on top of it so nobody sees it.”

I’ve talked about everything from religion and politics to cancer on stage but nothing upsets people more than when I say bowling a 300 is a great way to tell everyone you’ve wasted most your life.

Swiss is an adult cheese you get into later in life. It is not a youth cheese.

If we’re talking time it takes to orgasm, I think we can all agree the dudes defending Elon Musk are probably the fascist.

The NBA All Star game was on life support and this year’s awful format just aggressively smothered it with a pillow.

Wow. JD Vance got replaced quicker than the batteries in Ivanka’s vibrator.

I’d feel a lot better if Elon Musk was just a janitor at the white house solving math equations on a chalkboard in the hallway.

Trusting the richest man in the world and a criminal with 34 felonies to “get rid of all the corruption” is like hiring Kanye West to make a speech at a Bar Mitzvah and trusting him not to say anything stupid.

I hope they give Kendrick Lamar Country Album of the year at the end of this.

MAGA Chiefs fans are gonna storm NFL headquarters after this.

Chiefs = Drake
Eagles = Kendrick

Matt Gaetz looks like he has to go door to door in Whoville to let everyone know he’s a registered sex offender.

Listen, unlike the bias brainwashed cult, I’ll give credit where credit is due these next 4 years. Having said that, I’m gonna take everything these new Cabinet picks promise with a grain of Sexual As-Sault.