(Answer: he was arrested for bigamy, let out on bond, fled to England, and then people found out he had a *third* wife and family)
(and maybe a common-law fourth wife)

Less than a week! I'm glad I checked, because I almost missed them.

I raise you
An Egg

"Everything I don't want to hear is fake & everything he says (that makes me feel angry, afraid, or like I'm better than someone else) is true—except for when he's just joking, or being far too clever for someone like YOU to understand, or *insert more cult shit here*"

So now I've got a couple yard patches of these unfussy guys, which so far play well with the lawn, duck mostly under the mower, & will produce tiny snacks for the next few months (if I look for 'em).

Fragaria virginiana has white (sometimes pinkish) flowers, little berries that droop downward, and—here, at least—more of a yellow-green shade to the leaves. They were also crossbred with the larger south American strawberry in order to make our better-known, more sizeable garden strawberry.

Potentilla indica has yellow flowers, evenly colored berries that sit upright, a way more aggressive bloom-and-run growth pattern, and—in my patch, anyway—more of a blue-green shade to the leaves.

So f. virginiana ones aren't bland! They're really flavorful—like, spoil-you-for-store-bought, spent-weeks-hunting-local-plants flavorful. They just get mixed up with potentilla indica, or mock strawberry, which tastes like lies and sadness.

(Aw yis, plant spam time~)

And yes, I've got red-painted rocks scattered through the beds. Last year it seemed to work on everything but the chipmunks; this year, robins are snagging & mangling everything strawberry-shaped, red or not.

Two days of good light later:

Somewhere his fan base can nat easily zee it?