Watched this dumb movie last night. Critically reviled, Aykroyd and Candy both play multiple roles, you get the idea. Keeping that in mind... (1/2)

Married life is so funny because every now and then I'll say something to Liz so mundane and boring that I feel like John Cleese in The Great Muppet Caper.

A sick burn from last time

"How do you think they do that? Put peanut butter in a pretzel?" -Me, someone who also probably doesn't know how they make pretzels.

I realized today that if Back to the Future came out this year, Marty would be getting stuck in 1995. I've given it some thought and here are my picks for music replacements:

Instead of Mr. Sandman, Marty walks around town square to the tune of Fantasy by Mariah Carey.
(1/?)

The old "can men and women just be friends" debate was always hilarious to me. If my bi ass couldn't be friends with the kind of person I'm attracted to, then I couldn't have friends.

The trailer for Jurassic World: Rebirth feels like if I had a dream I saw a Jurassic World trailer.

Faced with the tough questions while watching The Mask last night. Like, how the hell did Ace Ventura, The Mask, and Dumb & Dumber all come out in 1994?

Whispered to my sleeping wife:

I think I'm going to watch The Mask. Is that annoying? ----- Alright, The Mask it is.

"Hi, this is Daniel from ----- returning your call, did I catch you at a bad time?"

Me, lying completely naked on the bed after a shower: "No, this is perfect!"

Heads up: If you don't agree with Rev. Budde then Jesus is NOT your dude.

Today is a reminder that we should try to live our lives with fairness and respect for our fellow man.