If I become the warden of a prison, I’m gonna let all my prisoners smoke weed.

It takes practice to figure out how to talk to your barber while looking at him in a mirror

#petsmart #stinkeye

It’s that time of year again when you question friendships after seeing them wearing Santa Claus hats in public.

I hate it when I wanna say “ha” and it AutoCorrects to “ha ha”. I just wanted ha, not ha ha you fucker.

I’m pretty sure that Mrs. Claus is a Trump supporter.

On old episodes of Judge Judy, Byrd carries a billy club.