if i manage to still be with my gf well congrats to her or me or both bc haha im not the best to be with nor the best company haha i wish i could just *shwoop* disappear yknow

im too much of coward to do i anyways, too much of a people pleaser and also idk i don't want my loved ones to be sad life is hard enough as is i don't want to add that to their plate but yeah
idk where im going with this
ill be fine i guess

who is there for them, who has to reassure them and find answers to their questions
they are as emotionnally supportive as the public housing financial aid O receive every month and I fcking hate myself for even thinking that and saying it but yeah
I want to kms so bad it's insane but no worries

but i feel so alone hahahha so alone man
as time goes by, I tend to think that I don't have a family; that my family is my friends and that's about it
when my therapist asked who I could count on in my family literally no one came to mind hahaha cause when i reach out to my parents, im the one

today I went as far as to wish I wouldn't talk to them anymore
which I feel so ashamed and guilty about
I am grateful for them
they are the reason why I can have a place to live and food in my plate
they support me financially
I am so grateful for that
for their existence and the privilege i have

idk man I'm on this journey where I have to be more honest and open about how I feel, I have to stop lying and hiding how much I struggle so I try to do that but my parents are the ones I have the hardest time doing that with
and omg it is so heavy
everyday it's a bit heavier it is so heavy

the more time goes by, the more I believe that we would fight all the time and they would consider me a hopeless loser if I was honest with them
idk
all I do is try to reassure them bc, that's what they're (sometimes literally) asking for
but I can't reassure them and be honest at the same time

tous les jours daily check des trucs snoopy sur vinted et tous les jours les vetements taille adulte sont moche et la vintage ou cool snoopy merch c pour les bebe wsh good for them mais moi aussi je veux svp