it feels terrible being a wentz fan (all ive known is disappointment)

*nods* women

That is a fair sentiment. I am just some idiot giving their anecdotal evidence and experience on the internet.

There are a lot of things I'm still to scared to do because of the harm that could result. But I also wouldn't be where I am if I was always to scared of the risks to try.

Believe me, I understand that more than you can ever think. All I can say is giving up is the last thing we can do, so what harm is there in trying?

I totally get that feeling, and I can't deny that I've never felt that way either. Hell I still almost daily have to shake of the stupid notion everyone I know secretly hates me.
I've just channeled all my grit and spite into just not letting it stay that way. Fuck it all I deserve to be happy

*hug* if it seems scary, then we just have to do it scared

The true mind killer is to try and go it all alone. This is what's worked for me and my group.

I wish I could garuntee it will work for everyone, but I can say that doing anything with support from those around you is easier.

I still have that feeling, so do a lot of my trans friends and partners. We usually find the strength and the drive in each other.
I owe my continued existence and not complete celebacy to the people I surround myself with.

The only solace I have in all of it is a profound stubbornness that refuses to let me just stop or give up. And for the sexual portion having people in my life that I care so strongly about and vice versa that it is enough to over power the wall I have surrounding sex drive.

As someone who is in a some what similar boat (16 months E) and has had there own share of psycho-sexual damning events. You are really not alone, been having my own share of experiences very similar to what you've talked about.