Really need the Blackhawks to sign a Hispanic goalie named Jesus so I can wear a shirt that says “Jesus Saves”.

Chappell Roan looks like she smells like a McDonald’s ball pit and beef jerky.

Eating a salad is hauntingly adjacent to living: 90% struggle, 10% reward; we endure the leafy greens to enjoy the delicious bites of cheese, croutons, and dressing at the end.

Emery doing a collab album with Hawthorne Heights feels like Thornton’s and Speedway doing a gas station burrito collaboration.