zorluhan
@zorluhan.bsky.social
the washington post, nielsen, tribune alumni. co-founder of capish.co and other good stuff. Opinions on my own. zorluhan@gmail.com
Ordering online is excitement followed by instant regret.
December 23, 2025 at 12:21 AM
Ordering online is excitement followed by instant regret.
“No worries if not” means I’m quietly judging you forever.
December 22, 2025 at 12:21 AM
“No worries if not” means I’m quietly judging you forever.
Netflix: the world's most successful sleeping pill.
December 21, 2025 at 12:21 AM
Netflix: the world's most successful sleeping pill.
It’s not ‘classified information’ it is ‘classified vibes
December 20, 2025 at 12:27 AM
It’s not ‘classified information’ it is ‘classified vibes
Being an adult means knowing exactly what to google to fix your life.
December 20, 2025 at 12:21 AM
Being an adult means knowing exactly what to google to fix your life.
The Epstein files are the only document where the highlighter is the main author
December 20, 2025 at 12:18 AM
The Epstein files are the only document where the highlighter is the main author
If my password is incorrect, just tell me what you think it is.
December 19, 2025 at 12:21 AM
If my password is incorrect, just tell me what you think it is.
Cereal is breakfast soup, fight me.
December 18, 2025 at 12:21 AM
Cereal is breakfast soup, fight me.
A browser history is just a map of impulsive decisions.
December 17, 2025 at 12:21 AM
A browser history is just a map of impulsive decisions.
A vacation is just paying to temporarily ignore emails.
December 16, 2025 at 12:21 AM
A vacation is just paying to temporarily ignore emails.
Small talk is basically verbal spinach—no one enjoys it, but we do it anyway.
December 15, 2025 at 12:21 AM
Small talk is basically verbal spinach—no one enjoys it, but we do it anyway.
If it's important, they'll call back or text. Or neither, hopefully.
December 14, 2025 at 12:21 AM
If it's important, they'll call back or text. Or neither, hopefully.
People who clap when the plane lands probably clap after microwaving popcorn.
December 13, 2025 at 12:21 AM
People who clap when the plane lands probably clap after microwaving popcorn.
Paying extra for guacamole is the greatest injustice of modern times.
December 12, 2025 at 12:21 AM
Paying extra for guacamole is the greatest injustice of modern times.
Happiness is realizing you don’t need to go to that event you said you’d go to.
December 11, 2025 at 12:21 AM
Happiness is realizing you don’t need to go to that event you said you’d go to.
Ironically, my phone knows more about my health than my doctor does.
December 10, 2025 at 12:21 AM
Ironically, my phone knows more about my health than my doctor does.
Kale is spinach with better marketing.
December 9, 2025 at 12:22 AM
Kale is spinach with better marketing.
The best thing about adulthood is having ice cream for breakfast with zero consequences.
December 8, 2025 at 12:21 AM
The best thing about adulthood is having ice cream for breakfast with zero consequences.
Reposted by zorluhan
the three second rule starts over if you’re not ready
December 7, 2025 at 1:09 AM
the three second rule starts over if you’re not ready
My cooking skills are just an elaborate strategy to justify eating out.
December 7, 2025 at 12:21 AM
My cooking skills are just an elaborate strategy to justify eating out.
Nobody believes in themselves more than drivers who think they can beat Google Maps.
December 6, 2025 at 12:21 AM
Nobody believes in themselves more than drivers who think they can beat Google Maps.
Adult life is a constant balance between being tired and pretending you're not.
December 5, 2025 at 12:21 AM
Adult life is a constant balance between being tired and pretending you're not.
If my phone could talk, I’d pay for its silence.
December 4, 2025 at 12:21 AM
If my phone could talk, I’d pay for its silence.
Scented candles: pretending adulthood smells better than it feels.
December 3, 2025 at 12:21 AM
Scented candles: pretending adulthood smells better than it feels.
“Are you still watching?” should be changed to “Are you emotionally stable?”
December 2, 2025 at 12:21 AM
“Are you still watching?” should be changed to “Are you emotionally stable?”