Alright the bsky devs aren't going to be in today so we'll be watching Space Jam

Stumped for what to bring to that Jewish Viking funeral? Try Val's Challah!

Birch trees are really dalmatians that have pissed off a witch.

Ever notice that spines look like turtles piled on top of each other?

I wonder if people who make soap have fun calling themselves "professional lyers"

Bringing a baguette home, I hit it on the side of the front door. "Guess I got some jamb on my bread!" I said to no one. I laughed and laughed and then cried for an hour.

One of my favorite restaurant codes is “pickled cucumbers” which means “oh we’re about to mark the FUCK up outta these Vlasics”

Marching bands: the best way to enjoy your favorite songs as performed by 35 screaming cats and one big dumb dog.

I kinda love when the server puts my food on the counter and walks away but I still feel like I should say something so I publicly thank my sandwich.

New platform, old me. Gonna post a few of my favorite tweets here because I don't have any new ideas.