Xzigalia
@xzigalia.bsky.social
doctor: my child you are officially diagnosed with eagle syndrome
me: decades of suffering and medical disbelief at an end! when is surgery?
doctor: k so the operation is more dangerous than open brain surgery, one slip and you bleed out on the operating table sorry
me: no no that's even better
me: decades of suffering and medical disbelief at an end! when is surgery?
doctor: k so the operation is more dangerous than open brain surgery, one slip and you bleed out on the operating table sorry
me: no no that's even better
November 13, 2025 at 5:52 AM
doctor: my child you are officially diagnosed with eagle syndrome
me: decades of suffering and medical disbelief at an end! when is surgery?
doctor: k so the operation is more dangerous than open brain surgery, one slip and you bleed out on the operating table sorry
me: no no that's even better
me: decades of suffering and medical disbelief at an end! when is surgery?
doctor: k so the operation is more dangerous than open brain surgery, one slip and you bleed out on the operating table sorry
me: no no that's even better
This guy is probably gonna get a date.
November 12, 2025 at 10:49 AM
This guy is probably gonna get a date.
Wrong. Jim Jones made his followers give him their money and passports as part of the Jonestown move. The actual difference between Trump and Jim Jones is that Trump wouldn't kill himself after he had made everyone else go through with it.
November 7, 2025 at 4:23 PM
Wrong. Jim Jones made his followers give him their money and passports as part of the Jonestown move. The actual difference between Trump and Jim Jones is that Trump wouldn't kill himself after he had made everyone else go through with it.
Slipping into something a little more comfortable (depravity)
November 1, 2025 at 2:57 AM
Slipping into something a little more comfortable (depravity)
Crime Doco: The tale of a SICK, SADISTIC, UNBELIEVABLY TWISTED murder
Me: Yaaayyy!
Crime Doco: that was never solved.
Me: Boooo [changes channel]
Me: Yaaayyy!
Crime Doco: that was never solved.
Me: Boooo [changes channel]
November 1, 2025 at 2:39 AM
Crime Doco: The tale of a SICK, SADISTIC, UNBELIEVABLY TWISTED murder
Me: Yaaayyy!
Crime Doco: that was never solved.
Me: Boooo [changes channel]
Me: Yaaayyy!
Crime Doco: that was never solved.
Me: Boooo [changes channel]
Q. What did RFK Jr.'s brain worm die of?
A. Starvation.
A. Starvation.
October 29, 2025 at 6:44 PM
Q. What did RFK Jr.'s brain worm die of?
A. Starvation.
A. Starvation.
When is Mariah Carey going to release a Hallowe'en banger?
October 24, 2025 at 5:47 PM
When is Mariah Carey going to release a Hallowe'en banger?
"Everybody is accusing anyone they disagree with of being a Commie without anybody actually knowing what the fuck a communist even IS, so we're going to spell it out nice and clearly RIGHT HERE, so nobody makes that mistake EVER AGAIN, OK?!?!"
- the literal introduction to the Communist Manifesto
- the literal introduction to the Communist Manifesto
October 21, 2025 at 4:06 PM
"Everybody is accusing anyone they disagree with of being a Commie without anybody actually knowing what the fuck a communist even IS, so we're going to spell it out nice and clearly RIGHT HERE, so nobody makes that mistake EVER AGAIN, OK?!?!"
- the literal introduction to the Communist Manifesto
- the literal introduction to the Communist Manifesto
Saying "jerkytimeit'sjerkytime" insistently into my boyfriend's ear is probably what he would have wanted, were he awake right now.
October 21, 2025 at 3:57 PM
Saying "jerkytimeit'sjerkytime" insistently into my boyfriend's ear is probably what he would have wanted, were he awake right now.
If you didn't want me kicking your sleeping self repeatedly in the arse, you shouldn't have set your experimental jerky to be ready at 4am.
October 21, 2025 at 3:30 PM
If you didn't want me kicking your sleeping self repeatedly in the arse, you shouldn't have set your experimental jerky to be ready at 4am.
Imagine if Obama had bulldozed off one side of the White House.
October 21, 2025 at 3:19 PM
Imagine if Obama had bulldozed off one side of the White House.
Saw a bloke saying dating apps were created exclusively for the bottom 75% of women to get in with the top 10% of men.
Said I 100% agree.
Top 10% of men only good enough for bottom 75% of women.
Top 25% of women only good enough for other women.
Bottom 90% of men not good enough for any woman.
Said I 100% agree.
Top 10% of men only good enough for bottom 75% of women.
Top 25% of women only good enough for other women.
Bottom 90% of men not good enough for any woman.
October 17, 2025 at 3:21 PM
Saw a bloke saying dating apps were created exclusively for the bottom 75% of women to get in with the top 10% of men.
Said I 100% agree.
Top 10% of men only good enough for bottom 75% of women.
Top 25% of women only good enough for other women.
Bottom 90% of men not good enough for any woman.
Said I 100% agree.
Top 10% of men only good enough for bottom 75% of women.
Top 25% of women only good enough for other women.
Bottom 90% of men not good enough for any woman.
shit I thought dan brown made opus dei up for the da vinci code
BREAKING: Pope Leo XIV is set to effectively disband Opus Dei in the coming weeks.
This would be the most sweeping internal reform of his pontificate — and a dramatic continuation of Pope Francis’s legacy.
This would be the most sweeping internal reform of his pontificate — and a dramatic continuation of Pope Francis’s legacy.
NEW: Pope Leo Set To Break Up Opus Dei
If Pope Leo does indeed approves a plan that effectively dissolves Opus Dei’s structure, it would be the most significant internal action of his short pontificate to date.
open.substack.com
October 17, 2025 at 12:20 PM
shit I thought dan brown made opus dei up for the da vinci code
My psychiatrist: You still need to tidy up more often than this.
🍎 Did you know rotten fruit can attract rare beetles?
Species like Epuraea imperialis love decaying apples! 🪲
Join beetle expert @theponker.bsky.social on November 25th for a webinar on beetle survey methods. 🌎 🧪
🔗 www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/1401740326...
@colsocbi.bsky.social
Species like Epuraea imperialis love decaying apples! 🪲
Join beetle expert @theponker.bsky.social on November 25th for a webinar on beetle survey methods. 🌎 🧪
🔗 www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/1401740326...
@colsocbi.bsky.social
October 17, 2025 at 12:09 PM
My psychiatrist: You still need to tidy up more often than this.
Waiting room at the colorectal clinic is playing some bangers.
October 16, 2025 at 12:50 AM
Waiting room at the colorectal clinic is playing some bangers.
"Young people don't know how to do anything these days"
Talmud, Kiddushin 29 [excerpt].
"Any father who does not teach his son a trade teaches him banditry."
Talmud, Kiddushin 29 [excerpt].
"Any father who does not teach his son a trade teaches him banditry."
October 13, 2025 at 2:23 AM
"Young people don't know how to do anything these days"
Talmud, Kiddushin 29 [excerpt].
"Any father who does not teach his son a trade teaches him banditry."
Talmud, Kiddushin 29 [excerpt].
"Any father who does not teach his son a trade teaches him banditry."
Ignorance isn't one of the Deadly Sins, is it?
October 13, 2025 at 12:09 AM
Ignorance isn't one of the Deadly Sins, is it?
Interviewer: Your resume lists one of your skills as “planning evil events.” That’s a typo, right? Don’t you mean “live events”?
Me: [slowly rubbing my hands together] If you want them alive.
Me: [slowly rubbing my hands together] If you want them alive.
October 13, 2025 at 12:08 AM
Interviewer: Your resume lists one of your skills as “planning evil events.” That’s a typo, right? Don’t you mean “live events”?
Me: [slowly rubbing my hands together] If you want them alive.
Me: [slowly rubbing my hands together] If you want them alive.
Reposted by Xzigalia
Paul's discount dentistry and custom made antiques
May 17, 2025 at 3:18 PM
Paul's discount dentistry and custom made antiques
To smurf, or not to smurf, that is the question
- Hamlet
- Hamlet
Do you smurf your thumb at us, sir?
- Romeo & Juliet
- Romeo & Juliet
Hell is empty and all the smurfs are here.
-The Tempest
-The Tempest
October 11, 2025 at 5:36 PM
To smurf, or not to smurf, that is the question
- Hamlet
- Hamlet
If the folk objecting to trans people in sports were truly doing it out of a sense of fairness and not bigotry they would be campaigning far harder to put handicaps on the athletes who didn't grow up in poverty since that is a far bigger advantage in athletics.
October 11, 2025 at 5:28 PM
If the folk objecting to trans people in sports were truly doing it out of a sense of fairness and not bigotry they would be campaigning far harder to put handicaps on the athletes who didn't grow up in poverty since that is a far bigger advantage in athletics.
Me [9pm]: I don't have to diet on my dad's birthday! I can deep-throat all the cheesecake slices that I want!
Me [5am]: Boy howdy do I miss when I was able to digest things.
Me [5am]: Boy howdy do I miss when I was able to digest things.
October 11, 2025 at 5:13 PM
Me [9pm]: I don't have to diet on my dad's birthday! I can deep-throat all the cheesecake slices that I want!
Me [5am]: Boy howdy do I miss when I was able to digest things.
Me [5am]: Boy howdy do I miss when I was able to digest things.
Me: Glad the wind died down for Dad's 65th birthday bonfire!
Guest: Yeah.
Me: Is there... a bike on the bonfire?
Guest: Yup.
Me: Is that... my childhood bike?
Guest: Probably.
Guest: Yeah.
Me: Is there... a bike on the bonfire?
Guest: Yup.
Me: Is that... my childhood bike?
Guest: Probably.
October 11, 2025 at 10:15 AM
Me: Glad the wind died down for Dad's 65th birthday bonfire!
Guest: Yeah.
Me: Is there... a bike on the bonfire?
Guest: Yup.
Me: Is that... my childhood bike?
Guest: Probably.
Guest: Yeah.
Me: Is there... a bike on the bonfire?
Guest: Yup.
Me: Is that... my childhood bike?
Guest: Probably.
My boyfriend is only capable of looking good in a photo when I am standing right beside him looking worse than I ever have in my entire life.
October 8, 2025 at 10:27 AM
My boyfriend is only capable of looking good in a photo when I am standing right beside him looking worse than I ever have in my entire life.
Standing in front of the microwave holding my spoon expectantly. Soon I shall devour the microwave.
October 4, 2025 at 2:57 AM
Standing in front of the microwave holding my spoon expectantly. Soon I shall devour the microwave.