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"either a prisoner or a prison guard"

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*says “someone please tell me”*
*disables replies and quote tweets*

For anyone curious, when the vast majority of the country, ESPECIALLY the democratic base, is calling to abolish ICE, the “reforms” Schumer is talking about, like bodycams, can only be seen as him tamping down anti-ice sentiment
February 14, 2026 at 7:55 PM
Republicans have pretended to be anti-war for 30+ years while actually being the most hawkish, violent, imperial leaders possible. Naturally, dems like Biden and Harris thought that the niche to fill to win over voters was not to be authentically anti-war, but authentically and vocally pro-war.
February 14, 2026 at 5:08 PM
If republicans only win because they lie to uneducated, low info voters and win them over, how embarrassing is that for democrats that they’re so much smarter yet unable to convince them the other way?
February 14, 2026 at 4:59 PM
The first Japanese guy who thought “what if this cartoon woman I’m drawing just had insanely massive tits” was basically the modern equivalent of the first prospector to strike gold in the Yukon
February 14, 2026 at 8:45 AM
It’s so bizarre to me how many people don’t understand why evangelicals would like Trump. Have you literally never seen a single clip of a mega church service? Are you just that incurious? American religion is entirely about uplifting conmen and rapists and has been for centuries
Hollywood superstar actor Alan Ritchson of Reacher:
"Trump is a rapist and a con man, and yet the entire Christian church seems to be treat him like he’s their poster child and it’s unreal. I don’t understand it."
=====================
February 14, 2026 at 7:35 AM
They should just say the guy who truthed out the racist Obamas video was the same guy who left Kristi noem’s blankie on a plane. If you’re gonna fire people anyway might as well offload as much as you can on them. He also forced Howard lutnick to bring his kids to the island
February 14, 2026 at 3:17 AM
I’m already getting preemptively mad about the mainstream media rehabilitating Marco rubio’s image in 2032
February 14, 2026 at 3:12 AM
Republicans want our government to be 100% members of the Epstein class. As a principled democrat, I’m arguing that it should only be 50%! Of course, I’m willing to go as high as 80% in exchange for additional arms for Israel.
February 14, 2026 at 1:52 AM
You’re laughing. He has searched the depths of Legal Arguments not yet articulated and you’re laughing.
“There will be Voter I.D. for the Midterm Elections, whether approved by Congress or not!”
February 13, 2026 at 10:09 PM
A democrat who stands up and says “wealthy people who commit crimes should go to jail” would win 468% of the vote in 2028.
February 13, 2026 at 9:16 PM
I get entirely too many YouTube ads about treating moderate to severe Crohn’s disease for someone who has what some might call perfect bowel movements
February 13, 2026 at 8:20 PM
“Who gained from 9/11” uh dick Cheney, oil executives, and the editors at the Atlantic lmao we’ve known this for 25 years
February 13, 2026 at 8:00 PM
Turning point USA halftime show?? More like “The Songs of Angry Men!” 😂🤣 (everyone imagine I made this joke 3 weeks ago)
February 13, 2026 at 6:49 PM
I show up to the Olympics in the “race around the whole universe” category. The other runners take off for andromeda at the speed of light. I go to the stands and walk around my mom, as she’s my whole universe. The whole crowd groans at my shit
February 13, 2026 at 6:00 PM
Revising the “everyone is 12” hypothesis by adding the “but some people are 6” corollary
Kristi Noem had Coast Guard pilot fired for leaving her blanket on a plane: report
Kristi Noem had Coast Guard pilot fired for leaving her blanket on a plane: report
New details are emerging about turmoil inside the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) under the leadership of DHS Secretary Kristi Noem — and her rumored paramour, Corey Lewandowski. The Wall Street Journal reported Thursday that DHS sources are sounding the alarm about patterns Noem and Lewandowski (who was once President Donald Trump's 2016 campaign manager) are exhibiting atop DHS. Sources confided to the Journal that since becoming Noem's top advisor at DHS, Lewandowski has assumed an all-powerful role within the agency, and has continued to fuel speculation of a secret relationship with Noem (both Noem and Lewandowski are married), which even Trump has reportedly brought up on multiple occasions. In one instance, Lewandowski reportedly fired a U.S. Coast Guard pilot after learning Noem's blanket was left behind. When a plane transporting Noem had to be taken out of commission for a maintenance, Noem changed planes. However, once Lewandowski learned her blanket didn't make the trip, he fired the pilot. That pilot was eventually re-hired once Noem and Lewandowski learned there was no one else available to fly them home. Lewandowski also reportedly asked for a federally issued gun and badge, even though badges and guns are typically only issued to those who have undergone law enforcement training (Lewandowski graduated from the New Hampshire police academy in 2006, and was a member of the New Hampshire State Police between 2006 and 2010). When New York Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) official Tom Feeley was being considered for ICE director, Lewandowski reportedly asked Feeley if he would issue him a badge and gun. When Feeley declined, he was then passed over for Todd Lyons. Both Noem and Lewandowski also reportedly clashed with Rodney Scott, who is the current commissioner of U.S. Customs and Border Protection (CBP). According to the Journal, Scott complained that Noem and Lewandowski mismanaged construction of Trump's wall along the Southern border of the U.S. The outlet reported that a contract for border wall construction sat on Noem's desk for roughly two months. By the time she finally signed it, the price of steel had skyrocketed, meaning far less of the wall could be built with the money allocated by Congress. Scott even once became so frustrated with Lewandowski that he told him he would no longer take orders from him, since his 130-day window as a designated special government employee had expired. They then reportedly retaliated against Scott by reassigning his chief of staff and convinced his deputy chief of staff to resign, without giving a reason for doing so. They then replaced those two staffers with employees loyal to them. The CBP chief also cautioned against elevating Gregory Bovino to be Border Patrol commander-at-large and making him the face of DHS' operations in cities like Los Angeles, Chicago and Minneapolis, with the Journal reporting Scott believed Bovino's new role would "backfire on the whole department." Even though Bovino reported to Scott in the DHS org chart, Noem and Lewandowski structured operations so Bovino reported directly to them. After the fatal shooting of U.S. citizen Alex Pretti in Minneapolis, Bovino was pulled out of Minneapolis and reassigned to his original office in El Centro, California.
bit.ly
February 13, 2026 at 5:54 PM
Gonna be so great in 2030 looking back at this and realizing the only people who suffered any consequences were Greg bovino, Pam bondi, and Howard Lutnick
February 13, 2026 at 4:38 PM
Getting Waymo ads on YouTube about how driverless cars give you “a sense of control” because they don’t have “scary drivers” like Uber. Good to see the fomenting absolute fear of your neighbors machine is still whirring at maximum capacity
February 13, 2026 at 7:14 AM
as a low info voter, it is my solemn duty to get duped by every slimy conman promising me money if i hate the right people for eternity. it's hard work, but it's the bedrock of our Democracy.
February 12, 2026 at 7:01 PM
Maybe I’ll find my wife in the pit at the Hilary duff 2026 national tour
February 12, 2026 at 6:16 PM
my "not involved in human trafficking shirt" etc etc

side note i LOVE that he's doing the chuck schumer glasses thing now to appear literate. keep going tommo you look great!
Homan: "ICE is a legitimate federal law enforcement agency. We're not out scouring the streets to disappear people or deny people their civil rights or due process."
February 12, 2026 at 5:54 PM
If liberals will truly vote blue no matter who, and leftists will withhold their votes unless it’s a leftist, don’t liberals have a moral obligation to make sure a leftist wins the primary? Otherwise they’re willingly supporting a candidate they know can’t beat the R’s
February 12, 2026 at 4:53 PM
So funny how the French just refuse to turn adjectives into nouns and vice versa. Like English went from “Olympic games” to “Olympics” immediately to save a word, but the French still have to call it “Les jeux olympiques”
February 12, 2026 at 2:35 AM
people disagreeing with this haven't seen taco stands in mexico with pickle rick theming or how there's a giant iron man mech in every mall in China. american cultural exports have dominated for decades lol
people born in america probably don’t realize how cool america used to be. the death of US soft power is going to have long term consequences we are only beginning to see
February 10, 2026 at 8:39 PM
Ben garrison won
Cartoon by
Dave Granlund
February 10, 2026 at 5:30 AM
Mom come pick me up the liberals are already doing vote scolding and telling people to do lesser of two evils thinking for the midterms
February 10, 2026 at 4:31 AM