@windeggs.bsky.social
February 16, 2026 at 4:45 PM
February 16, 2026 at 4:30 PM
Tim and Bob trained bears to guard their stash by feeding them weed. At their funeral their wives agreed the plan made sense only to stoners.
February 16, 2026 at 1:01 AM
Tim and Bob trained bears to guard their stash by feeding them weed. At their funeral their wives agreed the plan made sense only to stoners.
Fred fired a bowl. 'It's just a myth pot makes you unmotivated.'
'Aren't you working today?' his wife asked.
'And miss the Scooby Doo marathon?'
'Aren't you working today?' his wife asked.
'And miss the Scooby Doo marathon?'
February 16, 2026 at 1:00 AM
Fred fired a bowl. 'It's just a myth pot makes you unmotivated.'
'Aren't you working today?' his wife asked.
'And miss the Scooby Doo marathon?'
'Aren't you working today?' his wife asked.
'And miss the Scooby Doo marathon?'
Contributed Tweets for Phillip T Stephens are provided by former EPA director Scott Pruitt who whines every other minute that he was meant for better things than this.
February 14, 2026 at 1:04 AM
Contributed Tweets for Phillip T Stephens are provided by former EPA director Scott Pruitt who whines every other minute that he was meant for better things than this.
Nina thought she would make a fortune selling #ContrabandHashtags but since the real ones were free, she was #ShitOutOfLuck
February 14, 2026 at 1:03 AM
Nina thought she would make a fortune selling #ContrabandHashtags but since the real ones were free, she was #ShitOutOfLuck
Rev. Thompson kept his depression under control, but the members knew to call his shrink when he preached about departure for heaven.
February 14, 2026 at 1:03 AM
Rev. Thompson kept his depression under control, but the members knew to call his shrink when he preached about departure for heaven.
Dougie noticed Bruse arrived alone. 'Where's Karen?'
Bruce flopped on the couch and rolled a J. 'What kind of woman would be stupid enough to ask a man to choose her or his purple kush?'
Bruce flopped on the couch and rolled a J. 'What kind of woman would be stupid enough to ask a man to choose her or his purple kush?'
February 14, 2026 at 1:02 AM
Dougie noticed Bruse arrived alone. 'Where's Karen?'
Bruce flopped on the couch and rolled a J. 'What kind of woman would be stupid enough to ask a man to choose her or his purple kush?'
Bruce flopped on the couch and rolled a J. 'What kind of woman would be stupid enough to ask a man to choose her or his purple kush?'
Jim's MPD often interfered with dating. Most women were charmed when Bob invited them to dance, but they didn't like Susan's death threats.
February 14, 2026 at 1:02 AM
Jim's MPD often interfered with dating. Most women were charmed when Bob invited them to dance, but they didn't like Susan's death threats.
Sue assured Mark she was still on her meds. But she wandered why so many women were suddenly showing such interest in him.
February 14, 2026 at 1:01 AM
Sue assured Mark she was still on her meds. But she wandered why so many women were suddenly showing such interest in him.
Everyone said Sue's pot pie was the meal they wanted to take with them into the afterlife. If they pissed her off, it often was.
The prosecutor called Sue a serial killer. 'That's a lie,' Sue cried. 'I used pot pies.'
The prosecutor called Sue a serial killer. 'That's a lie,' Sue cried. 'I used pot pies.'
February 14, 2026 at 1:00 AM
Everyone said Sue's pot pie was the meal they wanted to take with them into the afterlife. If they pissed her off, it often was.
The prosecutor called Sue a serial killer. 'That's a lie,' Sue cried. 'I used pot pies.'
The prosecutor called Sue a serial killer. 'That's a lie,' Sue cried. 'I used pot pies.'
Contributed Tweets for Phillip T Stephens are provided by former Cupids laid off because there’s so little love left in America.
February 13, 2026 at 1:25 AM
Contributed Tweets for Phillip T Stephens are provided by former Cupids laid off because there’s so little love left in America.
Everybody knows the story of star-crossed lovers Pecos Bill and Sweet Sue, which ended with her bouncing off Widow-Maker to the moon. They thought the horse was jealous of her. Truth be told, he bounced Bill too and moved to Minnesota to shack up with Babe the blue ox. #TwtStory
February 13, 2026 at 1:24 AM
Everybody knows the story of star-crossed lovers Pecos Bill and Sweet Sue, which ended with her bouncing off Widow-Maker to the moon. They thought the horse was jealous of her. Truth be told, he bounced Bill too and moved to Minnesota to shack up with Babe the blue ox. #TwtStory
Juliet Capulet woke in her family crypt, having lain in a coma induced by Friar Lawrence’s potion. Her lover Romeo lay next to her suitor Paris. Dead. Overwhelmed by grief, she stabbed herself. Romeo rose and joined Rosaline. “I thought she’d never get the message.” #TwtStory
February 13, 2026 at 1:23 AM
Juliet Capulet woke in her family crypt, having lain in a coma induced by Friar Lawrence’s potion. Her lover Romeo lay next to her suitor Paris. Dead. Overwhelmed by grief, she stabbed herself. Romeo rose and joined Rosaline. “I thought she’d never get the message.” #TwtStory
Barbie lived in a trailer park on Lake Okeechobee, working as a waitress at Hooters for tips and free food at the end of her shift. Ken’s parents owned the Hooters and he dropped by every night hoping to marry her. But rich husbands are jerks and Barbie needed his tips. #TwtStory
February 13, 2026 at 1:22 AM
Barbie lived in a trailer park on Lake Okeechobee, working as a waitress at Hooters for tips and free food at the end of her shift. Ken’s parents owned the Hooters and he dropped by every night hoping to marry her. But rich husbands are jerks and Barbie needed his tips. #TwtStory
Frankie and Johnny were sweethearts. That’s what the tabloids all said. He done her wrong and she shot him. Self defense is what her lawyer pled. The jury all found her not guilty, and the judge set her free. She made a million dollars selling her life story for TV. #TwtStory
February 13, 2026 at 1:21 AM
Frankie and Johnny were sweethearts. That’s what the tabloids all said. He done her wrong and she shot him. Self defense is what her lawyer pled. The jury all found her not guilty, and the judge set her free. She made a million dollars selling her life story for TV. #TwtStory
Selena was a 300-something biracial lesbian punk vampire. One night, while trolling the gay bars, she stumbled onto Lucretia, a 200-something Norwegian bisexual urban werewolf. In paranormal romance novels they’d be lovers. Now it was a question of who devoured whom. #TwtStory
February 13, 2026 at 1:21 AM
Selena was a 300-something biracial lesbian punk vampire. One night, while trolling the gay bars, she stumbled onto Lucretia, a 200-something Norwegian bisexual urban werewolf. In paranormal romance novels they’d be lovers. Now it was a question of who devoured whom. #TwtStory
February 12, 2026 at 4:35 PM
How to keep our children Christian. It's easier than you think.
#MAGA #Religion #Christianity #Schools #FirstAmendment
#MAGA #Religion #Christianity #Schools #FirstAmendment
February 12, 2026 at 4:30 PM
How to keep our children Christian. It's easier than you think.
#MAGA #Religion #Christianity #Schools #FirstAmendment
#MAGA #Religion #Christianity #Schools #FirstAmendment
Contributed Tweets for Phillip T Stephens are provided by caustic dwarves who work just enough to knock off and pick holes in Peter Jackson films.
February 12, 2026 at 1:04 AM
Contributed Tweets for Phillip T Stephens are provided by caustic dwarves who work just enough to knock off and pick holes in Peter Jackson films.
Jesus kept planning to return, but then he'd look at his followers and say, 'No way. Not for these guys. Maybe in a century. But they need to get their acts together.'
February 12, 2026 at 1:03 AM
Jesus kept planning to return, but then he'd look at his followers and say, 'No way. Not for these guys. Maybe in a century. But they need to get their acts together.'
Reverend Bob never lets his parish forget to tithe because it proves their love for God and also pays the bulk of his pitiful goddam salary.
February 12, 2026 at 1:02 AM
Reverend Bob never lets his parish forget to tithe because it proves their love for God and also pays the bulk of his pitiful goddam salary.
Nun Sue said Jesus wants the little children brought to him. She raps their tiny knuckles daily because the little bastards have the devil in them.
February 12, 2026 at 1:01 AM
Nun Sue said Jesus wants the little children brought to him. She raps their tiny knuckles daily because the little bastards have the devil in them.
Deacon Bob taught charity in Sunday school, ignored street people begging for change and repossessed houses daily. Brownie points in heaven.
February 12, 2026 at 1:00 AM
Deacon Bob taught charity in Sunday school, ignored street people begging for change and repossessed houses daily. Brownie points in heaven.