Canada's greatest talents are "hockey" and "thinking up new types of unspeakable war crimes" and I gotta say it does not feel like a "hockey" vibe up here right now

Don't worry guys, I have an idea

~Unplugs the whole United Sates, waits a few second, plugs it back on~

Word of the day….

Conversations with coworker:

Me *reading a kids book*: …if I were a puppy I’d go up on the hill and leap in the sun with the bunnies

L: … and eat them

Me: Jesus 😳

That sinking feeling when your local store doesn’t have your favourite chocolate bar from America anymore, and it’s the only place that sold it in my city, so you sadly grab something else but it doesn’t hit the same 😭

Conversations with coworkers:
L: Hey Michelle, what was your catholic room design growing up? Trying to see something

Me: I had a rosary on top of my light switch and a cross over my door. Why?

L: I saw a thing where ppl who grew up had a very specific aesthetic that proved they were catholic

Canada is usually that nice apartment that is on top of a meth lab and were waiting for it to blow up. Now we are the nosy neighbour that is sweeping their car trying to eavesdrop on a situation outside

Conversations with coworkers:

Me: I need out

L: a permanent or temporary way out?

Me: you pick

Conversations
Me: Whenever we have my goodbye get-together, I want the Poutine cake
F: Oh where and when are you moving?
Me: Alabama and no idea, I am stuck in immigration limbo
K: She's married and her husband is from there
Me: Nah I just really like the song Sweet Home Alabama

Conversations with coworkers:
*talking about how to become a Zamboni technician and how silly and easy it is*
Me: Welp, if my career in HR doesn’t work out, I’ll become a certified ice technician

Conversations during D&D:

DM: You see a Madusa

Bard: I am not gonna look at her!

Me: Don’t look her in the eyes…Look at her tits!

Fighter: Yes, disrespect her

Conversations with coworkers:
D: *talking about a dog being part pit bull and part chihuahua*
K: how does that happen?
L: well we know how it happens, it’s more like why?
K: no really, how does it happen
Me: well when a pit bull and a chihuahua love each other very much

Conversations with coworkers:

Me: *reads books title* If I had your face…

D *looks at me*: Yeah?

Me *stares at D*: I dunno what I would do

D: 😂😂😂

Me: take that as you will

Conversations with coworkers:
A: how many other famous dicks are there?…. I mean people named Dick

L: I’m pretty sure there’s a whole website for famous dicks, A

C: there’s a whole industry