whatbryan
@whatbryan.bsky.social
I've seen a lotta cool lizards
Reposted by whatbryan
Scatter my ashes at dick shooter creek
September 1, 2025 at 9:03 PM
Scatter my ashes at dick shooter creek
Characters for my new play about a thief who steals from the fridge and gives to the poor:
- Robin Hood Vent
- Kettle John
- Air Fryer Tuck
- KitchenAid Marian
- Sheriff of Nottinghamdrawer
- Robin Hood Vent
- Kettle John
- Air Fryer Tuck
- KitchenAid Marian
- Sheriff of Nottinghamdrawer
August 31, 2025 at 2:12 AM
Characters for my new play about a thief who steals from the fridge and gives to the poor:
- Robin Hood Vent
- Kettle John
- Air Fryer Tuck
- KitchenAid Marian
- Sheriff of Nottinghamdrawer
- Robin Hood Vent
- Kettle John
- Air Fryer Tuck
- KitchenAid Marian
- Sheriff of Nottinghamdrawer
Some nights I find it hard to get to sleep, but it isn't because I'm worried or anxious, it's because my eyes are always open... to new possibilities. Hello and welcome to How to Win Friends and Influence People: The Musical
August 27, 2025 at 5:58 AM
Some nights I find it hard to get to sleep, but it isn't because I'm worried or anxious, it's because my eyes are always open... to new possibilities. Hello and welcome to How to Win Friends and Influence People: The Musical
If you asked me who had the best drum sound of all time, I might say John Bonham. And if you asked me who had the worst, I'd have to say Pat "Jello with Wet Bread" Flompstein.
July 2, 2025 at 6:26 PM
If you asked me who had the best drum sound of all time, I might say John Bonham. And if you asked me who had the worst, I'd have to say Pat "Jello with Wet Bread" Flompstein.
THIS WEEKEND there are two priceless Labubus hidden in a pitch black high school gymnasium but one is filled with bullet ants. Do you scrounge down the easy road or take the path of pain?
July 1, 2025 at 8:25 PM
THIS WEEKEND there are two priceless Labubus hidden in a pitch black high school gymnasium but one is filled with bullet ants. Do you scrounge down the easy road or take the path of pain?
I can't find my Limited Edition Tom Bosley Signature Collection Uranium Glass Harmonica I hope it's okay
*glass breaking sound*
I hope that wasn't my Limited Edition Tom Bosley Signature Collection Uranium Glass Harmonica
*glass breaking sound*
I hope that wasn't my Limited Edition Tom Bosley Signature Collection Uranium Glass Harmonica
June 30, 2025 at 8:47 PM
I can't find my Limited Edition Tom Bosley Signature Collection Uranium Glass Harmonica I hope it's okay
*glass breaking sound*
I hope that wasn't my Limited Edition Tom Bosley Signature Collection Uranium Glass Harmonica
*glass breaking sound*
I hope that wasn't my Limited Edition Tom Bosley Signature Collection Uranium Glass Harmonica
For his next act Timothée Chalamet MUST play Dwight Yoakum I INSIST no one else could pour themselves into those hallowed jeans
May 29, 2025 at 1:23 PM
For his next act Timothée Chalamet MUST play Dwight Yoakum I INSIST no one else could pour themselves into those hallowed jeans
I never thought I'd lose my job to a computer, especially since I'm the world's greatest computer insult comic.
May 28, 2025 at 6:59 PM
I never thought I'd lose my job to a computer, especially since I'm the world's greatest computer insult comic.
Carson Daly I'm coming for your job 🫵 So where do you work now? Oh really oh sick nice man.
May 28, 2025 at 5:30 AM
Carson Daly I'm coming for your job 🫵 So where do you work now? Oh really oh sick nice man.
You can ask me how my day was, but know that if you do, you'll never recover. Because I live every day like it's my last. And on my last day I was crushed by a rhino butt.
May 28, 2025 at 5:26 AM
You can ask me how my day was, but know that if you do, you'll never recover. Because I live every day like it's my last. And on my last day I was crushed by a rhino butt.
You think the guy who played the Tin Man in the Wizard of Oz used Tinactin so his performance wouldn't feel so stiff?
March 25, 2025 at 6:36 PM
You think the guy who played the Tin Man in the Wizard of Oz used Tinactin so his performance wouldn't feel so stiff?
In these times I will suffer no succotash
March 25, 2025 at 6:34 PM
In these times I will suffer no succotash
WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT THIS
March 16, 2025 at 7:27 PM
WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT THIS
They FIRED the LORAX everyone WEAR ORANGE tomorrow 03/07!!!
March 7, 2025 at 6:07 AM
They FIRED the LORAX everyone WEAR ORANGE tomorrow 03/07!!!
Y'all I forgot what "whence" means I don't know where or when or who to do
March 4, 2025 at 6:11 AM
Y'all I forgot what "whence" means I don't know where or when or who to do
If they don't let us vape in the airport soon then democracy is done for
February 27, 2025 at 5:12 PM
If they don't let us vape in the airport soon then democracy is done for
Circus owners: If you can do a bunch of front flips call me I have a job for you. Must be weird, too.
February 13, 2025 at 7:47 PM
Circus owners: If you can do a bunch of front flips call me I have a job for you. Must be weird, too.
Mix flour and water and you get a glue-like substance. Mix flower and someone's daughter and you get two people stuck like glue. Happy Valentine's baby, the sincerity curse will wear off soon!
February 13, 2025 at 7:43 PM
Mix flour and water and you get a glue-like substance. Mix flower and someone's daughter and you get two people stuck like glue. Happy Valentine's baby, the sincerity curse will wear off soon!
One day there will be a tool that will turn all of my creative desires into pure stress so that we can skip the middleman of time and joy and get straight to the moneyfunnel
February 12, 2025 at 6:17 PM
One day there will be a tool that will turn all of my creative desires into pure stress so that we can skip the middleman of time and joy and get straight to the moneyfunnel
Put your soup in a Shamwow and squeeze it out while you're on the go today
February 8, 2025 at 4:26 PM
Put your soup in a Shamwow and squeeze it out while you're on the go today
I'll only watch the Super Bowl if they LET THEM PLAY! Injuries are part of the GAME! Larry CSONKA could remove a tight end's right leg and then SHAKE HIS HAND over a beer like a gentleMAN
February 8, 2025 at 4:24 PM
I'll only watch the Super Bowl if they LET THEM PLAY! Injuries are part of the GAME! Larry CSONKA could remove a tight end's right leg and then SHAKE HIS HAND over a beer like a gentleMAN
JUDGE: You stand accused of egregious acts of horniness and face up to 30 years in horny jail. How do you plead?
😎: ...Guilty... Your Hornor
JUDGE: Bailiff, restrain and gag him
😎: That's what she sa...
JUDGE: ORDER ORDER IN THIS COURT
😎: Order? I hardly even know her.
😎: ...Guilty... Your Hornor
JUDGE: Bailiff, restrain and gag him
😎: That's what she sa...
JUDGE: ORDER ORDER IN THIS COURT
😎: Order? I hardly even know her.
February 6, 2025 at 7:10 AM
JUDGE: You stand accused of egregious acts of horniness and face up to 30 years in horny jail. How do you plead?
😎: ...Guilty... Your Hornor
JUDGE: Bailiff, restrain and gag him
😎: That's what she sa...
JUDGE: ORDER ORDER IN THIS COURT
😎: Order? I hardly even know her.
😎: ...Guilty... Your Hornor
JUDGE: Bailiff, restrain and gag him
😎: That's what she sa...
JUDGE: ORDER ORDER IN THIS COURT
😎: Order? I hardly even know her.
Reposted by whatbryan
Reposting me let's your followers know you like alternative rock
February 6, 2025 at 3:03 AM
Reposting me let's your followers know you like alternative rock
Got my groin patted down at the airport and an onlooker came up and said "I saw a shirt on the Internet that said 'It ain't gay if it's TSA'" and I killed him
January 30, 2025 at 7:17 PM
Got my groin patted down at the airport and an onlooker came up and said "I saw a shirt on the Internet that said 'It ain't gay if it's TSA'" and I killed him
I'm on a tiny plane to Oklahoma City and the pilot and flight attendants are giving polycule energy I can't explain it any clearer but I wanna go home
January 28, 2025 at 6:22 PM
I'm on a tiny plane to Oklahoma City and the pilot and flight attendants are giving polycule energy I can't explain it any clearer but I wanna go home