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vizcomic.bsky.social
Viz Comic
@vizcomic.bsky.social
29K followers 470 following 470 posts
Our readers have understood the concept of Buyer's Remorse since 1979.

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I RECENTLY WOKE up sneezing like mad, with a terrible headache, aching limbs and feeling really hot. I thought I was coming down with the flu, but then I remembered I work in a pepper grinding plant and I'd just fallen down a flight of forty steps and landed in the boiler room. Trevor Billhook, Fourcandles
January 2, 2026 at 8:56 PM
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WALK up your stairs backwards so if you suddenly realise you need to go back down you'll be facing the right way. William Mychreest, Leamington Spa
January 1, 2026 at 10:31 PM
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HOW come every year Aus- tralia and New Zealand get to celebrate New Year before everyone else? It would be nice if we all took it in turns to have the top spot instead of the Antipodeans always hogging it. Phil Godsell, London
December 31, 2025 at 5:26 PM
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FARMERS are complaining that they can't get enough slaughtermen to deal with their pigs and send them off to market. So why don't they take a leaf out of fruit farmers books and start a "pick your own pigs' business? This would solve all their problems and save on staff costs at a stroke, plus we the public could do what we do when strawberry picking, and eat the odd pig or two before we got to the tills. Shy Ted, email
December 30, 2025 at 4:31 PM
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MOTORISTS. Stopped by a red traffic light? Simply retrieve the bottle of Fanta on the passenger seat and unscrew the cap a few turns and hey presto! The lights will turn green and you can be on your way. Harry Hardrada, Hebburn-upon-Tyne
December 29, 2025 at 9:16 PM
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WHATEVER happened to dead hedgehogs flattened like pancakes along the highways and byways of Britain? Back in the 70s and 80s you used to see loads of them, but nowadays I can drive to London and back and not see one of the spiky wankers. Come on hedgehogs, get your act together. No wonder you're slipping out of the public consciousness. Matthew Tenant, Newport
December 28, 2025 at 10:04 PM
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MY CAT weighs 5kg and does turds approximately half an inch wide. I weigh 90kg, so on a pro-rata basis, I should be doing turds 9-inches in diameter. It's no wonder he sleeps 20 hours a day. If I did a turd that big, I'd need a good long rest afterwards as well. S Brookes, Edinburgh
December 27, 2025 at 11:07 PM
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"MOVEMBER' was mildly amusing wordplay, but *Veganuary' is really stretching it. Surely "Jamuary' would have been a more satisfying bon mot. Plus, we'd all get to eat jam, which incidentally is vegan. Essentially the same result. Thomas "Sticky" Hartley, email
December 26, 2025 at 10:50 PM
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Merry Christmas to all our readers. Everyone else can fu(the rest of this post has been deleted on the grounds of taste)ck off. www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q68x...
12 Days of Christmas. Jeremy Lion
YouTube video by TheComedyNight
www.youtube.com
December 25, 2025 at 9:05 AM
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MUSTARD and custard are both yellow, so the suffix 'ustard' must mean yellow. But there's a bird called a bustard, and it isn't yellow, but rather a sort of brown and white. Explain that, Susie Dent. Joe Williams, Leeds
December 23, 2025 at 10:33 PM
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YOU COULD make a fortune by entering a racehorse in a greyhound race, or perhaps a greyhound in a horse race, whichever is the faster. I mean, I haven't looked into this properly, but it's definitely worth a go. John Moynes, Dublin
December 22, 2025 at 10:25 PM
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December 22, 2025 at 12:06 AM
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FELLAS. Collect up all the nutshells, pine needles and orange peel dis. carded over the Christmas period put it in a little basket and you've got some lovely pot pourri to give to your beloved on Valentine's Day. Steve Crouch, Peterborough
December 19, 2025 at 4:54 PM
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December 17, 2025 at 9:46 PM
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WHY is it that I have been unable to locate the source of a squeaking noise in my car for the last six months, yet last Tuesday when I farted on a bus, everybody immediately turned and looked at me? Singlebert Clit, email
December 16, 2025 at 9:12 PM
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December 15, 2025 at 7:52 PM
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"MOVEMBER' was mildly amusing wordplay, but *Veganuary' is really stretching it. Surely "Jamuary' would have been a more satisfying bon mot. Plus, we'd all get to eat jam, which incidentally is vegan. Essentially the same result. Thomas "Sticky" Hartley, email
December 14, 2025 at 7:39 PM
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My Dear Reader, It has been brought to my attention that after a brief sojourn in first page of the ‘Top 100 Books’ listing of a popular internet purchasing site, The Wrestler’s Neck, this year’s offering from Viz Comic, has fallen into the backwaters of the second page where it currently resides at position number 53. Those of you who have not yet purchased a copy of the book must bear responsibility for this demotion. If you count yourself in this number, let me say that I am not angry with you. I am merely disappointed. I remain, yours etc, Hampton Doubleday OBE, Viz Comic editor
December 14, 2025 at 6:40 PM
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"ONE for sorrow, two for joy, three for a girl and four for a boy, 99 " the adage about magpies goes. Well I spotted a single magpie in my garden last week and this morning I woke up to find I'd shit the bed. So maybe there is something to these old superstitions after all. Gary Ireland, Tauranga
December 12, 2025 at 9:43 PM
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December 9, 2025 at 9:01 PM
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AS Christmas approaches, I can't help but get excited by the thought of my annual Boxing Day poo, with all those sprouts, the turkey and my Christmas pud making their way to the porcelain graveyard. It really is a wonderful time of year. A Smith, Lincoln
December 8, 2025 at 10:48 PM
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THAT Dick Dastardly cartoon character and his sidekicks were a bit shit when you think about it. Me and my mate caught a pigeon with the works van the other morning and we weren't even trying. Stephen Cochrane, Gateshead
December 7, 2025 at 9:05 PM
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Every year at Christmas I always ask for something good, like a drill, but always end up being given socks. Over the years I have found myself becoming attached to my collection of socks, so much so that last year, I asked for socks. And what did I get? Well, socks, actually, so it was alright. P Toilet-Duck, Hastings
December 6, 2025 at 11:02 PM
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THEY say chocolate is poisonous for dogs. Now I may not be a dog, but I regularly eat chocolate and it's never done me any harm. Mikery Stroudbarston, Worcester
December 5, 2025 at 11:56 PM
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December 4, 2025 at 10:14 PM